Will: See you're working your magic again, huh?
Philip: Oh, she is being completely unreasonable. I can't go to Soul Train because I have a more important commitment.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa, cowboy. What could be more important than Soul Train?
Philip: A chili cook-off. [off Will's look] Well... Well, it's a major political event. Uh... Besides, my feet hurt and, well, I'm afraid my head will look shiny on camera.

Carlton: I'm worried about my parents. I've been listening outside their bedroom.
Will: Carlton, he's not hurting her.
Carlton: No, I mean, they've been arguing all night.
Will: Carlton, come on, man. Look, they're a married couple. I mean, arguing is what married's being all about. I mean, I'm sure whatever their problem is, they'll work it out.
[Uncle Phil walks into the pool house in his bath robe and carrying bed sheets. He goes into the bedroom and slams the door]
Will: I hope.

Vivian: Will, what's wrong?
Will: Uncle Phil's staying with us in the pool house.
Vivian: Oh, I know it's upsetting, honey, but we'll work things out.
Will: Oh, no, he was clipping his toenails, I took one in the eye.