Carlton: Well, Melinda, I've been charitable so far, but now's the time to take off the gloves. You don't know what a date with Will is like. One evening, not so long ago, Will was walking a young lady home.
[fantasy:]
Will: Yo, I told you, babe. A date with me is a night to remember. What'd you think of dinner?
Cheryl: Dinner? It was just a Slurpee.
Will: Oh, I did that for you, baby. You know, keep that body of yours slim, trim, and ready for action.
Cheryl: Well, your hamburger and fries sure did look good.
Will: Baby, that's man food.
Cheryl: It's getting awfully late, Will. Shouldn't we take a cab?
Will: Well, that's awfully expensive, baby. Let's just walk down this dark alley.
Man: All right, punk. Your money or your girlfriend.
Will: My brother, you're making this too easy. [pushes Cheryl towards the bad guys]
Cheryl: Will!
Carlton: Unhand her.
Man: And who are you?
Carlton: Banks. Carlton Banks. [dances, knocking the two guys out, and then holds Cheryl in his arms]

Melinda: Hey. What were you two talking about?
Will: Well, I was just asking Carlton how long he's been a pathological liar. And he said ever since he was the Emperor of China.

[fantasy:]
Geoffrey: Master William, you have a visitor. A Mr. Jackson.
Will: Come on, G. I don't have time for these interruptions. I got homework forever.Tell Michael I'll have to work on his dance steps later.
Bo Jackson: That's Bo Jackson.
Will: Yo, what's up, babe?
Bo Jackson: Watch the handshake, man. There goes baseball season.
Will: Yo, my fault, my fault, my fault. What you need, man?
Bo Jackson: Well, I'm throwing this formal dinner party and Bo don't know what to serve.
Will: No problem. Let me hook you up with my resident fun expert. Hey, yo, Heav.
Heavy D: You rang? Bo Jackson, Heavy D.
Bo Jackson: Yo.
Heavy D: Yo, Bo.
Will: Tell Heav your problem.

[fantasy:]
Bo Jackson: Heav, I'm throwing this formal dinner party. And when it comes to cooking, Bo don't know diddley.
Heavy D: I think that's pronounced diddley, diddley, diddley, diddley... dee.
Will: Heav, show Bo around the kitchen.
Heavy D: No problem. Follow me, your running backness.
Bo Jackson: [to Will] Thanks so much for letting me be your close and personal friend.
Will: Back at you, babe.

[fantasy:]
Will: [answers phone] Hello.
Malcolm-Jamal Warner: Hey, Will, what's up? This is Malcolm.
Will: Yo! What up, home?
Malcolm-Jamal Warner: Listen, I'm going on this date tonight. And I really want to impress this girl, and I was wondering if maybe I could tell her I know you?
Will: Malcolm, Malcolm, Malcolm. Look, I understand your instinct but you shouldn't try to impress a girl with who you know. I mean, it's much better that she like you just for yourself. If she gets to know the Malcolm I know, I don't think she'll be able to resist.
Malcolm-Jamal Warner: Thanks a lot, Will. Man, I don't know what I would do without you as a close, personal friend. Peace, man.
Will: Hey, peace, babe.

Cindy: Welcome back to Croissants Aplenty.
Will: Oh, I didn't order- Ooh, what kind of a croissant is that?
Cindy: It's peanut butter. And it's on the house.
Will: Looks like it's been on the floor.
Cindy: You look a little down. Did you lose the contest to your friend?
Will: Oh, yeah. Who'd have guessed it? Especially in a place this well lit.
Cindy: Well, strange things happen on Halloween.
Will: Oh, don't remind me. I got to go to that party tonight on the solo tip.
Cindy: Oh, don't feel too bad. There's bound to be at least one other guy there without a date.
Will: Yeah. You know, Cindy, you're probably right.

Ashley: Eugene said he was sorry.
Will: Who is Eugene?
Ashley: The security guard. Hilary invited him to the party.
Will: Why did you do that?
Hilary: It seemed to speed up the paperwork.

Philip: Well, before the party starts, I think I'll go up and get some rest.
Vivian: Wait a minute. Philip, you didn't get a costume. You went to that silly gadget store.
Philip: But I didn't buy a silly gadget. I bought a stapler.
Female voice: [robotic] Only three pencils remain. Proceed to stationery store immediately.

Hilary: Everyone go get ready. I'm going to put my costume on now.
Vivian: What is it, Hilary?
Hilary: A gorgeous Yves Saint Laurent dress.
Will: Ooh, scary.

Carlton: I just got off the phone with Melinda, my date. She's coming as Mrs. Santa Claus. I hope that doesn't conflict with what your date will be wearing.
Will: For your information, I have a date.
Carlton: What's her name?
Will: Uh... Janet Girlie.