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‘Sleepless in Bel-Air’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Sleepless in Bel-Air

414. Sleepless in Bel-Air

Aired January 3, 1994

The Banks family are up all night as Will leaves his studying to the last minute, Carlton works on a paper, Philip is tormented by a chirping cricket, and Ashley stays out past her curfew.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: The coffee commercial went great. First, I take a big sip of coffee, then I say: Hi, I'm Hilary Banks, TV weather girl. When I don't have my head in the clouds I like to relax with a nice hot cup of Casual Cup coffee. So rich and fine, tastes just like you ground the beans yourself. Well, the first take, I said, " Tastes just like you found the beans yourself." We did it again, I said, "When I don't have my head in the crowds." So I did it again, and-
Will: Hilary. Hilary, how many takes did you do?
Hilary: Only 41. You think that would tire me out, but I'm more awake now than when I started.
Will: Stupid question, did you forget to spit after each take?
Hilary: Why would I want to spit it out? I'm nuts about coffee. Although, it's not made from nuts, it's from beans, so I guess I'm beans about coffee.
Will: Oh, gee, I'd love to stay and continue this fascinating monologue, but I have to get some studying done.
Hilary: You know, I've always wondered, if coffee's made from beans does that make it a vegetable?
Will: Why are you following me? Listen, don't you have to go to work in the morning? Shouldn't you go get some sleep?
Hilary: Oh, I'd love to go to sleep, but I can't. I'm wide awake. See? Wee!
Will: Why don't you try doing something boring like reading the dictionary? Do you have one?
Hilary: Of course, I do. What do you think is propping up my makeup table?

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Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: My God, that bug isn't gonna get the best of me. Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick.
Geoffrey: Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?
Philip: Geoffrey. How'd you like to be unemployed?
Geoffrey: What do you mean?
Hilary: "Unemployed. Out of work, jobless, not being used. I.E., a person who does not have a job." See, the answer is right at your fingertips.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Ashley. You've already lied once tonight. Let's not make it a habit.
Ashley: Daddy, none of my other friends had a curfew. If I came home at 10:30, everyone would think I was a baby. You have to realize that I'm growing up.
Philip: Sweetheart, I am your father. It is my job to protect you. It's a job I refuse to quit, and at which I can't afford to fail.
Ashley: I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
Philip: Of course, you won't, sweetheart. Because you're grounded for 10 years.
Ashley: Ten years?
Philip: Or whenever you move out of the house. Whatever comes first.
Ashley: That's not fair.
Philip: Tell it to the judge. Oh, that's me. [crunching sound] I killed the cricket.
Geoffrey: Oh, what a horrible death.

Quote from Will

Philip: Oh, grow up, you two. I can't believe you're staying here. Imagine calling an exterminator for a few harmless little crickets. Supposed to be soothing, for God's sake.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. No, Uncle Phil. I don't think you understand, man. Now, these ain't them cute little Jiminy-wish-upon-a-star-type crickets. No, man. These are big, mean, nasty, bug-eyed take-over-the-human-race kind of crickets, man.

Quote from Will

Will: Time-out, Ashley's home.
Carlton: Ashley? I thought she was supposed to be upstairs in bed.
Will: Yeah, you also thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Quote from Hilary

Geoffrey: I was having a most wonderful dream. Amazon women had just bound me with sinuous vines and were taunting me with tangelos.
Will: What the hell is a tangelo?
Hilary: "'Tangelo', the fruit of a hybrid citrus tree that is a cross between certain varieties of grapefruit and tangerine."
Will: Thank you.
Hilary: No, thank you. I never knew how much fun I could have reading the dictionary. I mean, it's filled with all kinds of words. Big words, little words, abbreviations, common phrases. Can I look up a word for you?
Will: Go away.
Hilary: Oh, that's two words.

Quote from Philip

Philip: Date?
Ashley: Tonight's the night I go to the movies with Randy, remember?
Philip: Randy? Randy who? Why wasn't I consulted about this?
Vivian: Oh, Philip, stop pretending you don't know anything about it. You already gave permission. You cannot keep little girls from growing up.
Philip: I can and I will.

Quote from Philip

Ashley: Thanks, but it's just a little innocent date. Nothing's gonna happen.
Philip: Oh, you're right, nothing's gonna happen because I want you back here at 9:30.
Ashley: But the movie doesn't even end until 10.
Philip: Well, you can catch the end of it when it comes out on video.
Ashley: Daddy!
Vivian: Ashley, be back by 10:30.
Philip: Ten-thirty on the dot. Not 10:31, and that's in this house. Not on the porch, not parked out on the driveway. Now, if you'll excuse me I'm gonna go check the video camera over the front door.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Hey, do you wanna hear a little chemistry rhyme?
Will: No, not really.
Carlton: Here. Little Timmy took a drink But he will drink no more For what he thought was H2O Was H2SO4 That's how I remember the equation for sulphuric acid.
Will: Oh, look, look. I got one. I got one. Little Carlton was a boy Whose body was short and stumpy He never shut his mouth So I kicked his little rumpy

Quote from Ashley

Philip: Ashley's not in her room!
Ashley: I'm right here, Daddy. I was just in the kitchen getting a snack.
Vivian: We were just in the kitchen.
Ashley: I mean the kitchen in the pool house.
Philip: The pool house is being fumigated.
Ashley: Where am I? What am I doing down here? I must have been sleepwalking. I better go back to my room.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: You can borrow my makeup, but the key is subtlety. You want your date to think you stepped out of Vogue not a clown car.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Oh, that reminds me, I'm gonna be out late tonight. I'm shooting a commercial for Casual Cup coffee.
Ashley: That's great.
Hilary: How'd you get it? Well, the director said I reminded him of the coffee.
Will: Oh, yeah, he probably thought you was hot, creamy and rich.
Hilary: Oh, yeah, that's it. I was pretty sure I wasn't mountain-grown.
Will: Check please.

Quote from Geoffrey

Vivian: I am so sorry, Geoffrey, but if I put him down he cries even harder. So would you mind making up more formula?
Geoffrey: Mind? Madame, you woke me from a most marvelous dream. I haven't had one this good since I was strip searched at Dulles Airport.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: Okay, it's 10:37. I'm calling the police.
Vivian: Philip. The police don't need your hysterical calls cluttering up their phone lines. They've got to catch real criminals.
Philip: Hmm, like the murderous muggers and thugs that hang around movie theaters after hours.
Vivian: She's at the mall. She's not at the Pussycat Theater.
Geoffrey: I've never seen a mugger at the Pussycat Theater.

Quote from Ashley

Philip: [answers phone] Hello.
Connie: Hi, Mr. Banks. Can I speak to Ashley?
Philip: Uh, she's not home from her date. She was supposed-
Ashley: [takes pay phone from Connie] Daddy, I got it.
Philip: Ashley, sweetheart, where are you?
Ashley: I'm upstairs in my room. I got home 20 minutes ago. Come on, hang up, I wanna talk to Connie about my date. I'll tell you about it tomorrow.
Philip: All right, sweetheart, good night. [hangs up]
Ashley: This is too easy.

Quote from Will

Ashley: Why is everybody still up? You know, you're making it very difficult for me to sneak in.
Will: Ashley, even you should know if you're trying to get past Uncle Phil you don't go through the kitchen.
Ashley: I guess I have a lot to learn.
Will: No, you learn too much. What you doing trying to run my phone scam for?
Ashley: Well, it worked.
Will: That's not the point. Look, the point is you don't realize the dangers that are lurking out there. Look, Ashley, listen. Guys are only after two things.
Ashley: I thought they were only after one.
Will: Well, yeah, but they wanna do it more than once.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: I can't stand all that chirping. Geoffrey! Geoffrey!
Geoffrey: You rang?
Philip: Where did you last put the insecticide?
Geoffrey: In your soup.
Carlton: Boy, you're a grumpy Gus.

Quote from Philip

Philip: [answers phone] Hello. This is Philip Banks. Well, no, I haven't seen Randy and Ashley's been home since 10:30. Well, I'll call you back if she knows anything. [hangs up] Oh, that was Randy's father. Apparently, Randy decided to go somewhere else after dropping Ashley off. Thank God I have a responsible child.
Will: Hey, hey, hey! Hey. Hey, man. Where are you going?
Philip: I'm gonna go ask Ashley if she knows where Randy went.
Will: Oh, man, you're not gonna just go up there and wake her up, are you? I mean, she... she... she could already have morning breath.
Philip: Will, please. Randy's father has a very serious problem. If she did something like that, I'd throttle her.
Will: No, no, no. Throttling isn't anything like killing, is it?
Hilary: Not exactly. The second definition of throttle is, "To strangle, choke." Killing is the result of throttling.
Carlton: Either way, I think we're about to see a demonstration.

Quote from Will

Branford Marsalis: It worked?
Will: Perfect, Branford, you hear?
Branford Marsalis: Good, I'm glad you liked it. So, Will, I'm off like a dirty shirt.
Will: Hey, peace with two fingers, man. Give J some for me, all right? [to camera] There's definitely some perks to working for NBC.

Quote from Will

Carlton: I call the couch in the living room.
Will: No, I'm sleeping on the couch. You can sleep under the couch, you squidgit.

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