Hilary: Oh, look at this picture from my kindergarten class. Oh, I was darling, wasn't I?
Philip: Aw, you sure were.
Hilary: [laughs] Who is this poor little homely child next to me?
Philip: Uh, sweetheart, that was you.
Hilary: What? You always said...
Philip: I know. I know. But the first time you looked at these, you cried so hard that we lied to you. We said you were the cute little girl next to you. But eventually, your teeth straightened out and you grew into your nose, just like we said.
Hilary: You mean, you lied to me? You told me I was pretty when I wasn't?
Philip: Well...
Hilary: Thank you. You really do love me.

Ashley: Yeah, at least stay for dinner.
Philip: Of course he can stay, Geoffrey.
Carlton: In the pool house with us. It'll be fun. We'll stay up late, play Clue and try on each other's jackets. [laughs]
Frederick: I think it sounds like a ripping good time. Say, do you have any Tom Jones records?
Carlton: Do I?!

Nicky: How can Geoffrey be your dad if he was never married?
Will: Okay, I'll talk to him. Well, you see, Nicky, sometimes the stork's arms get real tired, right? He pretty much leave the baby wherever he at.
Philip: Will.
Will: All right.
Philip: Get. Thank you. Well, Nicky, sometimes the stork's map gets all scrunched up.