Will: Can we get back to moi, please? I got a part on that soap opera, Now and Forever.
Philip: Oh, please. They hired you, somebody who's never acted in his life, to star in a network TV show. Pppt.
Will: Well, it happens.

Derek: Ah, yes. I'm sorry it had to end this way, my dear. If only my little plot to frame you had worked.
Joan: You mean, you killed Carlos?
Will: No, that was me. That's right, I shot Carlos. And that's not all. I'm the one who shot J.R. too. And I shot the sheriff. But I did not shoot the deputy.
Joan: Do you ever wanna work in this town again? Painting portraits?
Will: No. But you see, I'm young and I'm restless. I only got one life to live... so I got to follow my guiding light and search for tomorrow.
Director: Follow him, camera four. I don't care if he goes to the commissary.
Will: Hey, who knows if I'll wind up living out the days of my life in a mansion in Dallas on the comer of Melrose Place drinking Falcon Crest out of a brown paper bag.
Joan: Royce, don't you care about anybody but yourself?
Will: Sure I do. I care about you. It's not because of those expensive clothes or your fancy jewelry. That big Zsa Zsa wig you be wearing. I love you for who you are. Who you really are. [removes wig] The bald and the beautiful.

Will: Y'all are not gonna believe what happened to me today. I've got some great news.
Philip: Ah, you're moving out?
Will: Even better.
Geoffrey: I'm moving out?