Philip: All right, all right. That's enough. Look, why don't I tell you guys a story?
Will: Now look what you done.
Carlton: I like Dad's stories. And some day, I'm gonna tell my kids these same pointless anecdotes. Go ahead, Dad.
Philip: All right. Well, when I was growing up, my best friend lived in the next apartment. His name was Ralph. And one day, after 18 years of friendship, we had a fight. Well, I went to college and he joined the Navy. Five years ago I went to our high school reunion. I was determined to bury the hatchet. But Ralph didn't show up. I found out that he died the month before. Well, I never had a chance to make peace with him. What's even worse, I can't even remember what we fought about. You kids should think about that.
Will: Hold up a second there, Aesop. What's this apartment stuff? I thought you grew up on a farm.
Philip: Well, in the South, "farm" and "apartment" are interchangeable.
Carlton: Uh Uh, uh, five years ago? Since when do they have reunions for your 22nd year?
Will: Yeah, man. And how all of a sudden...?
Philip: Okay, okay, I made it up. All right? Pfft.

Ashley: Hilary, Nicky's right. Can we just get in the car?
Hilary: I don't think you're ready to get behind the wheel yet. Now, put the car in gear and pull cautiously away from the curb. Ashley.
Ashley: What?
Hilary: You're in neutral. Okay, we're driving down Sunset. Ooh, cute boy, 3 o'clock. Ha, ha. Keep your eyes on the road.
Ashley: Hilary.
Hilary: Now, take a left on Rodeo. Remember to signal. Oh, look, there's Bruce and Demi. Hi. Yuck, what is she wearing?
Ashley: Hilary, this is beyond stupid.
Hilary: Use your imagination. You're doing great. [sighs] We're driving. We're driving. Stop.
Ashley: What?
Hilary: Cartier's having a sale. Pick me up in an hour.

Carlton: Did you put super glue in my hair gel?
Will: [chuckles] Hey, that's what you get for stealing my girl.
Carlton: I didn't have to steal her. She was bored with you so she came to me, a real man.
Will: So, what you saying? I'm not a real man?
Carlton: Yeah, you got it. You should know that all that "yo, yo, hey, baby, bap, bap, bap" stuff is just played out. It worked in high school, but now it's just embarrassing.
Will: So I'm the embarrassment now, huh? Take it easy, stumpy.
Carlton: And you know something else? I'm tired of all those short jokes. I'm average height.
Will: For a woman.
Carlton: I'm large enough for Valerie.
Will: You wants to go there, huh?