Geoffrey: Cell block 41 has arrived.
Carlton: Welcome, ladies. Please take a moment to sign our guest book. And now, if I can just have your thumb.
Bridesmaid: You know, I resent being treated like a common thief.
Carlton: Oh, you do, do you? Well, what kind of cold-hearted, vicious, evil crime did you commit?
Bridesmaid: Securities fraud.
Carlton: [exited] Really? An inside trader? So are you here alone?

Jazz: This is the best day of my life. Did I thank you for everything you've done?
Will: Well, not everything.
Jazz: I hope you two will be close. She touched me, Will. And I know she'll touch you too.
Will: Yeah, actually, Jazz, that's what I wanted to talk to you about. See, listen, last night...
Jazz: She told you about our decision?
Will: What decision?
Jazz: The one we made last night. We're gonna have 10 kids. One for every month of the year. But we gonna name them all after you.
Will: Jazz, hey, you ain't got to do that, man.
Jazz: Okay, then, we'll name them Earl.

Will: What do you mean, you're getting married?
Jazz: Her name is Jewel Robertson. I saw her on Cops, getting busted for grand theft auto.
Will: Jazz, the woman's a convict?
Jazz: We prefer the term "freedom impaired."
Will: How about the term "not playing with a full cell block"?
Jazz: You don't understand, man. Jewel makes my life complete. See, I know you look at me and you say, "Damn, that Jazz has it all." But the truth is, behind these shades, there's a big, empty hole.
Will: Well, that's for damn sure.