Hilary: The coffee commercial went great. First, I take a big sip of coffee, then I say: Hi, I'm Hilary Banks, TV weather girl. When I don't have my head in the clouds I like to relax with a nice hot cup of Casual Cup coffee. So rich and fine, tastes just like you ground the beans yourself. Well, the first take, I said, " Tastes just like you found the beans yourself." We did it again, I said, "When I don't have my head in the crowds." So I did it again, and-
Will: Hilary. Hilary, how many takes did you do?
Hilary: Only 41. You think that would tire me out, but I'm more awake now than when I started.
Will: Stupid question, did you forget to spit after each take?
Hilary: Why would I want to spit it out? I'm nuts about coffee. Although, it's not made from nuts, it's from beans, so I guess I'm beans about coffee.
Will: Oh, gee, I'd love to stay and continue this fascinating monologue, but I have to get some studying done.
Hilary: You know, I've always wondered, if coffee's made from beans does that make it a vegetable?
Will: Why are you following me? Listen, don't you have to go to work in the morning? Shouldn't you go get some sleep?
Hilary: Oh, I'd love to go to sleep, but I can't. I'm wide awake. See? Wee!
Will: Why don't you try doing something boring like reading the dictionary? Do you have one?
Hilary: Of course, I do. What do you think is propping up my makeup table?

Philip: My God, that bug isn't gonna get the best of me. Now I know how Captain Ahab felt when he was chasing Moby Dick.
Geoffrey: Between the two of you, the cricket is the whale?
Philip: Geoffrey. How'd you like to be unemployed?
Geoffrey: What do you mean?
Hilary: "Unemployed. Out of work, jobless, not being used. I.E., a person who does not have a job." See, the answer is right at your fingertips.

Philip: Ashley. You've already lied once tonight. Let's not make it a habit.
Ashley: Daddy, none of my other friends had a curfew. If I came home at 10:30, everyone would think I was a baby. You have to realize that I'm growing up.
Philip: Sweetheart, I am your father. It is my job to protect you. It's a job I refuse to quit, and at which I can't afford to fail.
Ashley: I'm sorry. I won't do it again.
Philip: Of course, you won't, sweetheart. Because you're grounded for 10 years.
Ashley: Ten years?
Philip: Or whenever you move out of the house. Whatever comes first.
Ashley: That's not fair.
Philip: Tell it to the judge. Oh, that's me. [crunching sound] I killed the cricket.
Geoffrey: Oh, what a horrible death.