TV Quotes

Will: Hilary. Listen. That is not a mole or an Adam's apple that you're seeing. It's Trevor.
Hilary: You're telling me that Trevor was reincarnated in Scott's throat?
Will: No, look, Hil, what I'm trying to say is that you miss Trevor so much something inside of you won't let go of him. If you walk out on Scott now, this could haunt you for the rest of your life.
Hilary: What do you mean?
Will: Well... You might never go out again. You'll become one of them crazy old women who walk around all day long with a shower cap on, with an old raggedy halter-top that say "Jam." And then you gonna start wearing rhinestone gauchos. And then, just for no reason, you'll say: "Dum-dum-diday" Then you'll be eating neckbone sandwiches all the time. And screaming at your little imaginary dog, Brutus. And you know what the worst part is?
Hilary: What?
Will: The only man you're gonna be able to get is some fool named Grady, who be smelling like menthol all the time and falling asleep in his soup.
Hilary: Oh, God, I hate soup.
Will: Then you march through those curtains and you look his throat in the face!

Vivian: Philip, the important thing is that you and your son spent quality time together. You should be proud of what you built.
Geoffrey: Even if it is a deathtrap.
Philip: You are just jealous because you don't have son like Carlton to build something with.
Geoffrey: Yes, sir, that must be it. Look! It's a bird. It's a plane. It's Master Nicky.

Will: Hey, you know what, you ain't got to do nothing, Uncle Phil. You know, it ain't like I'm still 5 years old, you know. It ain't like I'm going to be sitting up every night asking my mom: "When's Daddy coming home?" You know, who needs him? He wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned, didn't I? And I got pretty good at it too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip: Yeah, you did.
Will: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive. I learned how to shave. I learned how to fight without him. I had 14 great birthdays without him. He never even sent me a damn card. To hell with him! I didn't need him then and I don't need him now.
Philip: Will-
Will: No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him. I'm gonna get a great job without him. I'm going to marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm gonna have me a whole bunch of kids and I'm gonna be a better father than he ever was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, because there ain't a damn thing he could ever teach me about how to love my kids. How come he don't want me, man?

Carlton: So, Will, you haven't told me about your new place.
Will: Oh. Yeah, yeah. Uh, you know, I'm moving in soon. You know, right now they putting a Jacuzzi in and they getting the mirrors on the roof.
Carlton: So what, it's kind of a fixer-upper?
Will: Oh, no, no. No, not at all, man. Yo, this place is huge. I mean, we got floor-to-ceiling walls and wall-to-wall floors. Man, yo, it's the bomb.