Will: Listen, I don't deserve all this stuff.
Jake Maxwell: That's right, young fella, you deserve a whole lot more. So how's about a holiday in Hawaii?
Will: Oh, look, I can't- I'm sorry, did you say Hawaii?
Jake Maxwell: Will, if it's not too painful, could you tell the folks at home a little bit about Tirisha?
Will: Who?
Jake Maxwell: Tirisha, your son's mother.
Will: Oh, that Tirisha. Yes, she's dead now. Um, I met her after I got back from fighting them oil fires, uh, in Kuwait. You know, and my hair, my eyebrows and everything had just started growing back. And um, General Powell said to me: "Yo, homey, you need to get down with a little R and R because you're looking a little singed." You know, so in China... He sent me to China. And then that's where we met. It was in a little-known province called Rae Dawn Chong. And... [sees Jackie] Well, sayonara.

Will: Look, it's just this little blurb in some dumb school newspaper! Freeze. Don't be coming over here with no attitude. This ain't my fault.
Jackie: Oh, whose was it then?
Will: Well, yours.
Jackie: What?
Will: You heard me. I'm saying, you know I can't be trusted. You wouldn't have left me here alone, none of this mess would ever have happened.
Jackie: That's it. I didn't come all the way here from Philly to hear this.
Will: Oh, this gonna happen, is it? Don't be all up in my grill.
Jackie: I am tired- Oh, get out of my face!
Will: Don't be up in my grill!
Jackie: Now, you need to shut- I'm out of here!
Will: Excuse me, excuse me! You know what?
Both: You ain't never gonna change! I'm getting the last word! Oh, no, you're not! Oh, yes, I am! Damn!

Vivian: Philip, honey, can I speak to you a minute, please? Is this a good idea, honey? Do you think we can rely on them to take care of the B-A-B-Y?
Hilary: Who's Bobby?
Vivian: The baby.
Hilary: Mom, his name is Nicky.