Geoffrey: Your cheesecake, sir.
Philip: Thank you, Geoffrey. Geoffrey, would you get Carlton, please?
Geoffrey: Certainly, sir.
Philip: Thank you.
Geoffrey: Run, Geoffrey. Fetch, Geoffrey. Perhaps you'd like me to catch a Frisbee in my teeth?

Will: You know, it's like the Rodney King videotape, you know? I just keep seeing it over, and over, and over again. And I ask myself, where did I fail him, you know? Where did we go wrong? [Philip & Vivian slap Will on the head]

Ashley: Boy, when Mom and Dad see this, somebody's gonna swing.
Geoffrey: Well, I can assure you, it won't be me. This time, the butler didn't do it, hasn't done it, and I'd be surprised if he even remembered how to do it.