Carlton: Well, I might as well face it. I'm irresistible to women. Now I know what Tom Jones feels like.

Philip: Vivian, you don't expect me to condone his behavior.
Vivian: Baby, I know that falling asleep is not a good thing. But your own secretary has said that she's had to nudge you awake after you've had Mexican food.
Philip: Only after the El Presidente Platter.
Vivian: And he should go to practice, but it is an extracurricular activity. It's a lot like you going to the gym, and, as I recall, the last time you were there I think the Jeffersons were still trying to move on up.
Philip: That's different. I'm starting back Monday.

Will: Man, I thought a dip in the pool was gonna cool me off. But I'm blazing about what Uncle Phil said to me.
Geoffrey: Oh, I'm sure when he called you a sophomoric cretin, it was just a figure of speech.
Will: No, no. That didn't bother me. It's when he said I was just like Carlton.
Geoffrey: Yes, I can understand your concern. Sandwich?
Will: Yeah, sure. See, now, look, I know where I come from, man. I mean, I'm coming straight out of Philly, man, and I'm proud of that. Hey, could you put that on a croissant for me?
Geoffrey: Certainly. You know, Master William, we all change.
Will: Hey, look, man, I haven't changed, I'm not gonna change and I'm not down with this bougie stuff.
Geoffrey: Swiss?
Will: No, Gorgonzola. Hey, man, I'm telling you, if there is one dude in the world that's the total opposite of Carlton, it's this guy standing right here, man. Hey, thanks a lot, G. Yo, man, how you gonna play a brother on the Grey Poupon?