Ashley: Hilary, do you remember the first time you fell in love?
Hilary: Oh, this is important. Come. Come. Come. Sit. Sit. Sit. It was Lawrence Young, the most beautiful man at Bel-Air Prep. Oh! To put it simply, he was a god. He had been held back three years so he was really buff. Oh, he had the most amazing...
Ashley: Hilary. Hilary. Hilary, I get the picture.
Hilary: Oh, Ashley, are you in love?
Ashley: I think so. I feel like Derek's the one. I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anybody else.
Hilary: Oh, Ash, I am so happy for you. But long-distance relationships don't usually work out. I mean, look at the Little Mermaid. I mean, she was stuck in the sea and he was stuck on land.
Ashley: But they ended up together.
Hilary: Yeah, with the help of a lobster. You know a lobster?

Ashley: Hilary, can I talk to you for a minute?
Hilary: Not now, Ash, my show starts in five minutes. Uh-oh. Big-sister radar. It's important, isn't it? I can tell. I have, like, a third sense about these things.

Carlton: Oh, my God. What are we gonna do?
Will: This is what we're gonna do, we're gonna stop listening.
Carlton: You're right. Enough listening, time for action. She needs de-programming. We'll make her watch movies. Lots of movies. Doris Day movies. Now, there's a good wholesome role model. [sings] Que sera sera, whatever will be, will be... [talks] Wait a minute. "Whatever will be, will be"? What kind of devil-may-care message is that? The slut.
Will: Okay, Carlton. Carlton. Look, you need to calm down, all right?
Carlton: Look, we need to find a Yellow Pages. I'm calling a nunnery. It's late, so I'll need a 24-hour one.
Will: Carlton, man, we ain't even Catholic.