Vivian: Geoffrey, we're gonna need some hors d'oeuvres tonight. What do we have in the house?
Geoffrey: Whatever he hasn't eaten.
Philip: Geoffrey, for once, could you please cut the sarcasm?
Geoffrey: Sarcasm? Whatever do you mean?

Will: Hey, girl. Now, Ashley, this is a million dollars here. Now, listen, Uncle Phil could put that money in the bank, right and then start getting all kinds of crazy interest. Then it's bonds, and then there's that T-bill stuff and then they got some certificates, and then- then- then junk be compounded.
Philip: What are you talking about?
Will: I have no idea.

Geoffrey: Sir, I hate to disturb you during feeding time but there's a man snooping around the premises.
Ashley: Daddy, call the police.
Philip: I'll handle this.
Will: No, no, no. I got this one, Uncle Phil. [kicks doors open] What are you doing in our back yard? Oh, my God, Uncle Phil, he's got a... business card.