Will: You know, so when I was at Notre Dame, right, they put me in the last play of the last game, right. Of course, when Hollywood got a hold of my story they made it a White dude.

Geoffrey: Ah, Miss Ashley, ready for your big date?
Ashley: Not really.
Philip: What's the matter, honey?
Ashley: Did you ever have one of those days when you just don't feel pretty?
Geoffrey: No.

Will: Guess what I have in my hand.
Jackie: Do I have to call security?
Will: Before you have me tossed in the clink you might wanna check it out. Uncle Phil's floor seats to the Lakers. So, what's up, I'll pick you up like 6, 6: 15?
Jackie: Will, I appreciate you asking, especially three hours before game time, but I'm kind of dating someone right now.
Will: You dating somebody right now? Well, how come I'm the last to know?
Jackie: I have my reasons.
Will: Oh, I get it, I get it. You're embarrassed. Dude is probably some snaggletoothed, pie-faced, snausage-lipped, hunchback...
Jackie: It's Hank Farley.
Will: Heisman Trophy winning fool.