Carlton: Oh, I don't get a good feeling about this place, Will.
Will: It's cool. I'll take care of it. [loudly] Uh, we ain't Black. We just got back from Hawaii.

Jazz: Crocket anyone?
Will: Jazz, you all right, man? You got a kind of a Clark Kent-Urkel thing jumping all over you.
Carlton: Actually, Will, he looks like me.
Will: Well, yeah, that's what I was saying.
Jazz: I'm all ready for my trip to college. About time, too. I spent eight years in high school.
Will: Jazz, Uncle Phil is going to be my chaperon and I don't think he wants you to come, buddy.
Jazz: Well, I guess I better return these stupid, funky clothes. Here, Carlton.

Geoffrey: Silly me. When I went to university, I actually spent most of my time studying.
Will: Well, yeah, but look at you now, G.
Geoffrey: Touche. Did you by any chance see Murder, She Wrote last week?
Will: No.
Geoffrey: Good. Watch your back.