Carlton: She's in here. Look, whatever you do, don't mention her chins.
Will: Or her ankles. Or her feet. Oh, and whatever you do, never ever feed her after midnight.

Philip: Calm down, now. Now, I trained as a lawyer for many years. I was trained in the art of negotiation, okay? Observe. Sir, give me that damn phone or I'm gonna rip your liver out and eat it raw.
Will: That's right, boy, and he about due for a snack.
Man: Yes, sir.

Will: All right, it's cool. Everything's cool, Aunt Viv. Everything's cool. All right, check it out. Carlton, you boil some water. Ashley, you go get some blankets. Hilary, you circle the wagons.
Vivian: Will, honey, what are you talking about?
Will: I wish to God I knew, Aunt Viv.