Philip: Vivian, why are you making such a big deal about this? I say we do it right here, right now.
Geoffrey: Oh, good, a floor show.
Philip: Geoffrey, this envelope contains Mrs. Banks' sonogram. It's gonna tell us whether or not the baby is a boy or a girl.
Ashley: How can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?
Hilary: Oh, Ashley, you are so naive. If it's a boy, it's blue. Come on, I think it's time for another woman-to-woman talk.
Ashley: Okay, what do you want to know this time?
Will: Hilary's not planning on having kids, is she?

Will: Look, a friend of mine has a little problem. And, you know, I was wondering, since you're a judge and everything...
Philip: I am not reducing bail.
Will: No, Uncle Phil, no. See, that's not- See, check it out. Now, this friend of mine knows this squaw that he's completely in love with, right? But this particular squaw just broke up with his best friend. Now he don't want to diss his boy or nothing like that, right, but he wants to know how long is a good time to wait before he, uh, raids this squaw's village, if you know what I'm saying.
Philip: Interesting you should bring that up. I had a case like that come before me just recently.
Will: Really?
Philip: Word up. Now this guy started going out with his best friend's girl hours after they broke up.
Will: Whoa, he waited that long?
Philip: Well, this other guy didn't think it was that long. He was very jealous, and he shot his friend.
Will: Dead?
Philip: No. Let's just say he's, uh, two olives short of a martini. [Will groans] So before your friend starts raiding any villages he better be sure it's worth it.

Philip: Look, Geoffrey now I know Mrs. Banks and I made you promise not to show us that sonogram but, look, I've got to know whether the baby is a boy or a girl and I can make it worth your while. How does a $100 sound?
Geoffrey: Like one hell of a night in Tijuana.
Vivian: Philip Banks, you really should be ashamed of yourself. Bribing Geoffrey with a $100.
Geoffrey: I'll say. At least she offered me $200.