Vivian Quote #9
Vivian: Let those kids out.
Sergeant: These kids are car thieves.
Vivian: Then you have made a big mistake. Now, I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone. This has got to the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.
Police Officer: Could you ask your wife to calm down?
Vivian: Calm yourself, Barney Fife.
Philip: Vivian, please. Now, officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.
Sergeant: Could you please sit down? We're busy now.
Vivian: Oh, honey, we're about to get very busy.
Quote from Philip
Sergeant: Sit down!
Philip: Hey! You don't talk to my wife like that.
Sergeant: Now, wait a minute, buddy. Who the hell do you think you're talking-
Philip: Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
Henry: What's going on?
Sergeant: May I help you, sir?
Henry: I'm Henry Furth.
Sergeant: Good news. Your car is safe and sound. And we've got the perpetrators.
Henry: Those aren't the perpetrators. Those are my partner's son and nephew.
Philip: Legal partner. I've got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from them did they have a lawyer present? No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No. Because we're their parents. So, Officer, don't tell us to wait. And don't tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out or I'll tie this place up with so much litigation that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!
Quote from Will
Will: "Those cops were just trying to do their jobs"?
Carlton: Will, don't get all bent out of shape.
Will: Man, you ain't learned nothing this weekend, did you?
Carlton: I most certainly did. Always bring a map.
Carlton: If we would have had a map we wouldn't have to drive 2 miles an hour to find a freeway entrance and we wouldn't have been stopped.
Will: Oh, okay, okay. I get it now. We were stopped because we were driving too slow. We were breaking the slowness limit. Oh, okay. Well, you see, I've never heard of that law before. But I did hear this other law. It's the "if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned-out Pinto, you better stop him because he stole it" law. Yeah, I heard about that one. But see, I thought it was "the Black guy law" when in actuality, it was the "slowness limit law." Oh, thank you for sharing that with me, Carlton. Good night.
Quote from Will
Carlton: All right, Will. I'll share my snack with you on one condition. When we get to Palm Springs, you will behave like a proper gentleman and try to maintain some sense of decorum and etiquette. Understood?
Carlton: Good. What do you say to an Oreo?
Will: I say, "What's up, Carlton?"
Quote from Love at First Fight
Kayla: Let me tell you something. I got four older sisters, all of them mamas before they was 18. None of them finished high school. Everybody's waiting for Kayla. I'm the last chance for the whole damn family and you have no idea what that feels like.
Vivian: Oh, I know what that feels like. And I know what it feels like to clean hotel rooms during the day and go to school at night just to get the high school diploma I didn't get.
Will: Aunt Viv, you dropped out of high school?
Vivian: It's not something I'm proud of, but I did it. My whole family was counting on me, too. But I couldn't handle the pressure, so I ran off with some guy and quit school. By the time I realized I'd made a mistake, it was too late. I was left with no education and nothing I was qualified to do. It took me years to get back. And honey, if you wonder why I seem to fit so well here it's because I worked damn hard to get here and I know I deserve it. Your problem is is that you don't know you deserve it. Will knows it and I know it, but unless you know it there is nothing more I can say.
Quote from Robbing the Banks
Vivian: Geoffrey, my bags are upstairs.
Geoffrey: How thrilling for you.
Vivian: Geoffrey, you know, I'm very, very fond of you but I'm also eight months pregnant and I'm not in a very good mood. I could very easily rip out your heart eat it, and then have cappuccino. Am I making myself quite clear?
Geoffrey: Hallmark couldn't have put it any better.
Will: Hey, you know, Aunt Viv I'm really gonna miss you this weekend.
Vivian: Oh, no, you're not. And I'm not gonna miss you, either.
Quote from She Ain't Heavy
Vivian: Okay, here are the files you asked for, sweetheart.
Philip: Thank you. Um, I need a copy of the Richburg merger and find out if we got a continuance on the Seger case.
Vivian: Philip, I am tired of this. You're just lying on your back giving orders, and I'm doing all the work. Why does this seem so familiar?