Philip: [enters] Mama. Pop.
Will: Hey, Uncle Zeke.
Joe: Give your old man a hug.
Philip: Okay, Pop.
Will: [to camera] Am I tripping, or does this remind you of the last episode of Family Ties?

Philip: Daddy, didn't I send you money for a new suit?
Joe: You're looking at it. When you sent that money me and my buddy Leroy went down to the dry goods store and we each got a suit, a fishing rod, and some radial tires.
Hattie: Well, I guess I better get to fixing supper. Geoffrey. This is what I'll be needing.
Geoffrey: "One pound of lard, four handfuls poke greens, and a big old slab of fatback."
Hattie: Now, if it comes to more than $1, they're cheating you. We are going to have pork chops, collard greens baked macaroni, and sweet potato pie.
Will: [licking his fingers] Have mercy!

Hattie: Oh, growing up, my Zeke always did love our swimming hole. He would strip down to his birthday suit and dive right in.
Will: Oh, Granny, please. It's almost dinnertime.
Hattie: He just loved his skinny-dipping, him and Melvin.
Will: Melvin?
Philip: Oh, I don't think we want to hear anything.
Carlton: Au contraire, Dad. The Melvin stories are priceless.
Will: So, Melvin was like his best friend?
Hilary: Melvin was his pig.
Hattie: Oh, I have plenty stories about my Zeke.
Will: Are any of them humiliating stories?
Carlton: The best ones are.
Will: Let's start with those.

Will: What are you doing up so late?
Hattie: Child, I had to get up and get breakfast started. I don't know what you all got that Geoffrey for. Five-card draw?
Will: Yeah, I'm with it. You know, Granny, I really like you. You and Grandpa, you have fun. You tell jokes. You all bust me up.
Hattie: Thank you, son.
Will: Hey, look, Granny, it's late, everybody's asleep. You can level with me. Uncle Phil's adopted, right?
Hattie: Oh, now, we're real proud of Zeke. Did you know he won the Young Farmers of America Pig Raising trophy?
Will: No, I didn't know that, but I'd love to have some details about that.
Hattie: Won it four years running. They had to retire his slop bucket.
Will: Slop bucket? I can't wait till he wakes up.
Hattie: Respect your elders, son.

Hattie: You know, he was the first Black president of the Young Farmers.
Will: Was that like a big thing?
Hattie: Oh, my, yes! Mmm-hmm. I beat you again. You know, then, we also had those White rest rooms?
Will: Yeah.
Hattie: Well, I remember this one time we was downtown and Zeke had had too much lemonade and suddenly he just lit out from me and split right into that White rest room. [laughs] They told him to leave, but little Zeke just stood his ground.
Will: Uncle Phil did that?
Hattie: Mmm-hmm. Look here, I beat you again.

Philip: Carlton?
Carlton: [waking up] At the forefront of the civil rights movement.
Philip: You were asleep, son.
Carlton: Sorry, Dad. All of Grandma's pies last night and waffles this morning. I just crashed. I've got the sugar blues. I'm this close to a crying jag.

Susan: [on the phone] Feature desk, please. Jake? Melissa. Look, I'm having second thoughts about this Philip Banks piece. It's just one long, boring resume. For a while there, I thought I had an angle about the ASPCA but that turned out to be a blind alley. I'm telling you, this man's life is boring. His own son kept nodding out. We better kill the story. Okay. Bye. [hangs up]
Will: Hold up, lady. My uncle has been looking forward to this all week. If you kill that story, he's gonna get mad. If he gets mad, the heat comes down on me.
Susan: Look, kid. You got to wake up and smell the java. Your uncle's dull. Dull, dull, dull.
Will: Dull? Sweetheart, that's one thing my uncle is not. Max out, lady. I got a couple of stories for you.

Waiter: Ma'am, would you like the salmon or chateaubriand?
Hattie: Oh, we don't want to be a bother. We'll just hang on to these empty plates. Thank you kindly.
Vivian: Are you sure you don't want any of the food?
Hattie: Oh, we don't want to impose. We'll just fade into the background. [pulls Tupperware out of her bag] Breast or wing?
Joe: I think I'll have a wing, thank you. Got any okra casserole?
Hattie: Coming up.
Will: Oh, Granny. You know how much Uncle Phil likes his mama's okra casserole. Why don't you ask him if he wants some?
Hattie: It ain't going to work, Will.
Margaret: What is this interesting melange? It smells divine.
Hattie: Just plain old okra and tomato, honey. [passes it to Margaret]
Margaret: Delicious. Try that, Henry.
Henry: Outstanding. Do we have any biscuits?
Hattie: I hope they're still hot.

Art: Excuse me, sir. Aren't you Philip Banks?
Philip: Yes.
Art: You're the hog-slopping lawyer. I saw your picture in the paper this morning. Is Melvin going to be here tonight?
Philip: Oh, no, Melvin eschews these type of events.
Art: I'm the same way.