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‘Not, I Barbecue’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Not, I Barbecue

606. Not, I Barbecue

Aired October 23, 1995

Will talks Carlton into joining him on a double date with Sandra (Garcelle Beauvais) and her cousin.

Quote from Nicky

Nicky: What you doing, Carlton?
Carlton: Oh, packing away my CDs. Will and I made a bet. For one week, I'm not allowed to listen to Tom Jones and he's not allowed to listen to that god-awful Biggie Smalls. We have $50 riding on it and I'm gonna win.
Nicky: Who's Tom Jones?
Carlton: Nicky, Nicky. Tom Jones is the King of Swing. The Tower of Power. Mr. Vegas. This guy's a legend. [sighs]
Nicky: Can I hear one of his songs?
Carlton: Oh, I'd love to, but no can do.
Nicky: Please?
Carlton: Well, I guess one song wouldn't hurt. [Carlton dances as "It's Not Unusual" plays]
Will: Just couldn't hang on there could you, little fella?
Carlton: Darn.
Will: Thank you. Thank you very much. Thank you. [Carlton leaves] Here's something for your trouble, little brother. Thanks a lot.
Nicky: Five bucks? What do I look like? Come on, man. You got to break me off some.

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Quote from Geoffrey

Hilary: Oh, good, Geoffrey, you're here.
Geoffrey: No.
Hilary: When did I ever ask you for anything?
Geoffrey: You never stopped asking from the moment I started here.
Hilary: That's not true.
Geoffrey: In fact, as I remember I spent my first seven hours of service here installing wall-to-wall carpet for Barbie's Dream House. Carpet which had to be promptly removed.
Hilary: [scoffs] Well, it's not my fault that when Ken got home, he didn't like it.
Geoffrey: And it wasn't my fault the dollhouse burnt to the ground.
Hilary: Geoffrey, Skipper died in that fire. I don't even wanna think about it. Look, I need you to hem this dress.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: Nicky's first sleepover. Ahh. I'll never forget my first overnighter. Ned Martin's house. Raised all kinds of heck. Drank hot chocolate. Had pillow fights. Watched the O.J. trial. What a night.

Quote from Will

Mad Dog: Who the hell are you?
Will: Um... [waves around] This is just a dream.
Carlton: We're not really here.
Mad Dog: Stop that.
Will: Carlton, stop.
Mad Dog: [stands up] I said, who the hell are you?
Will: Um... Surprise! Hey, man. We from L.A. Stripper Gram. Yeah, you know. We got a special birthday wish for you from Tiffany. Yeah, you know. [sings] Happy birthday to Mad Dog Happy birthday, Mad Dog
Mad Dog: It's not my birthday.
Will: Uh... Macho, macho man I've got to be a macho man
Carlton: Young man, there's a place you can go I said, young man You're all out on your own I said, Y-M-C-A Y- M-C-A

Quote from Will

Will: Oh, let me tell you now, that there was some good grub. That girl can cook.
Tiffany: What about you, Carlton? Did you enjoy your dinner?
Carlton: It was fine.
Sandra: You don't talk much, do you?
Will: Uhh, as a child, he was dropped on his tongue.

Quote from Will

Mad Dog: You know what? Somebody in here is trying to play me for a fool.
Will: No, no, Mad Dog. None of that, man. No, you... You know...
Mad Dog: [locks door and swallows key] Someone's gonna die.
Carlton: [screams]
Will: Now, wait a minute. Now, hold on. Hold up. Hold up. Now, wait a minute. This Black-on-Black crime makes me sick. Now, if this is what we gotta do, just give me a damn minute with my cousin.
[to Carlton] Um... We're about to die. All right, but the best defense is a strong offense, okay? So remember me for this. I'll see you on the other side. [punches Mad Dog] Sorry.
Carlton: Oh, my God. I just saw the state of Florida just pass over my head.
Will: Hey, hey. Hey, Mad Dog. Mad Dog. Bro, bro, you know... Come on, man. Shouldn't you be climbing up the Empire State Building?

Quote from Will

Sandra: That movie was pathetic.
Will: Pathetic.
Sandra: Naked women bumping and grinding on strangers' laps?
Will: And the way them guys just sat there and took it.
Sandra: How can anyone find that attractive? I mean, is our culture that diseased?
Will: You know, just thinking about it is making me feel dirty. You know, I'm gonna have to take a shower. You wanna join me? What am I saying? It's even infected me.

Quote from Carlton

Michelle: Here, I have a special delivery letter for you.
Carlton: Odd. No return address. A special invitation from me to you for tonight. Please R.S.V.P. ASAP. Darn, another chain letter.
Michelle: Carlton, it's from me. [playfully punches Carlton]
Carlton: Sweet cheeks of Buddha, you pack a wallop.
Michelle: So you wanna go out tonight?
Carlton: Oh. No can do. I have to study tonight.
Michelle: On Saturday night?
Carlton: For some, it's bath night. For me, it's math night.

Quote from Carlton

Tiffany: I think he's the strong silent type. Ooh. You are strong.
Carlton: Well, I'm no stranger to the gym.
Tiffany: Carlton, how about some dessert? I've got ice cream. Sweet chocolate ice cream.
Carlton: I'm a tutti-frutti man myself.
Will: What the heck is wrong with you, Carlton? That girl just offered you two scoops.
Carlton: I'm afraid I'm a one-gal guy.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: This is just great. I can't believe I let you talk me into this. I hate you.
Will: Shh! The dude is out there. He's gonna hear us.
Carlton: Hear us? He's gonna kill us.
Will: That is if your breath don't kill us first. Damn, man. Don't you bring a mint when you go on a date?
Carlton: As a matter of fact, I do. They're in my pants pocket. You wanna go get them for me? Oh, this is ridiculous. Mad Dog. I'm sure he's nothing but a pussy cat. [opens the door and takes a look at Mad Dog] He's gonna eat me.
Will: And then he gonna floss with me.

Quote from Will

Tiffany: I'm tired of your excuses.
Mad Dog: But it's not an excuse. Just give me a minute to explain and then I'm out of here.
Will: [to Carlton] All right. You know, that's cool. You know. As soon as the Black Ness Monster explains, we'll be home free.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Will, the window. Go, go.
[As Will and Carlton go out on the ledge, they scream as Mad Dog sticks his head through the window. They calm down when it becomes clear Mad Dog is stuck]
Will: [laughs] Bet you wish you wouldn't have gone off that Slim Fast now, don't you?
Mad Dog: You're lucky. But eventually, you're gonna have to come back in here.
Will: Ah, shut up and get back in there, you're stretching the building.
Carlton: Will, what are we gonna do now?
Will: Oh. Well, you know, it's almost winter. Eventually, he's gonna have to hibernate. All we got to do, just hang out up here, don't bring no attention to ourselves.
Man: [o.s.] Hey, look, those guys are gonna jump.
Will: No, no, man. We're just out getting some air, man.

Quote from Will

Carlton: This is the worst night of my life.
Will: Ain't that what I promised you?
Man: Don't panic. I'm from the Crisis Intervention Unit. You're young. You're young. [reads note] "And you have everything to live for."
Carlton: Just get us down.
Man: There you go, putting the cart before the horse. Now, hand me the baby.
Will: Man, what are you doing? We ain't got no baby, man.
Man: Oh, my bad.
Will: Now, will you get the hell out of our way, fool?
Man: Hey, there's no need to be calling names. Sticks and stones will break your bones but a 50-foot fall will kill y'all. I made that up myself.
Will: That civil service exam is really easy, isn't it?

Quote from Will

Carlton: What'd you guys end up seeing?
Sandra: Showgirls.
Carlton: Again? What does that make it, eight times, Will?
Sandra: Eight times? You told me you hated it.
Will: No, baby, I did. I mean... And every time, I wanted to just walk out of there.
Sandra: I know the feeling, Will. Bye.
Will: Wait, but, baby. Baby, ho- Oh, girl.
Carlton: Boy, did you handle that badly.

Quote from Will

Ashley: Daddy, can I use your car tonight?
Philip: No.
Ashley: How about Mom's?
Philip: Talk to her.
Ashley: Mom, Dad said it's okay for me to use your car tonight.
Philip: I didn't say that.
Will: Those weren't your exact words, Uncle Phil, but you kind of did imply that... You know, there was absolutely no reason for me to jump in here, was there?
Philip: None whatsoever.
Will: I'm gonna go ahead and jump out of here.
Philip: Yes, jump on with your bad self.

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