Will: Jewel, if Jazz ever found out about this, it would kill him.
Jazz: So you in?
Will: You know about this?
Jazz: Know about it? It was my idea.
Will: What are y'all asking me to do? Hey, look, look, look. How about I give y'all something else, like a VCR?
Jazz: You hear that, munchkin? He's giving us a VCR too. He's so full of love.
Jewel: Let's hope so.

Vivian: Kids, I don't know how to thank you. Such thoughtful gifts.
Ashley: Well, you deserve them, Mom.
Vivian: And these roses they are exquisite. Thank you, honey.
Geoffrey: You're welcome.
Philip: Well, you know, it's the thought that counts.
Vivian: Yes, so think about sleeping on the couch for a while.

Will: Hey, guys, sorry I'm late. Man, y'all at least could have waited until I got here before you ate.
Jewel: Oh, we didn't order. This was here when we sat down.
Jazz: They're cheap tippers too. Less than 15 percent. [pockets the tip]

Jazz: I know we invited you to dinner, but would you mind paying for it? I saw my picture over the cash register.
Jewel: Come on, Jazzy, let's hit the salad bar. I brought my big purse.

Will: [on answerphone] Yo, yo, what's up? This is Will. I can 't get to the phone right now. I kind of got my hands full. So leave a message, unless this is Carlton, in which case, don't.
Carlton: Will, it's Carlton. I got an emergency. Will, we just finished dinner and I think I left my wallet on the dresser, so could-
Dana: Who was that?
Will: It's just a wrong number, baby. [unplugs phone] Now, where was I? Oh, there I was.

Jazz: Greetings. Look, munchkin, a romantic dinner for two.
Jewel: Jazzy, maybe we should revise our plans.
Jazz: You're right, my pet. Let's unpack after we eat.

Jazz: I told the landlord, I don't you repainting our apartment. Those stains have memories.
Will: Jazz, homey, look, now, you know, mi casa es su casa. But, look, tonight, mi casa es mi casa. Yo, comprende negro?

Carlton: There's a whole army of these action figures around my bed.
Jewel: They're fertility gods, Carlton.
Will: Wait. Y'all trying to have a baby?
Jewel: Yeah. Just because Jazzy and me away from the marital bed don't mean we ain't gonna-
Jazz & Jewel: Boomshakalaka, shakalaka, shakalaka, Boomshakalaka, shakalaka, shakalaka, Boomshakalaka, shakalaka, shakalaka
Will: Hey, whoa, whoa, guys. Hey, listen. I'm all for this being fruitful and multiplying thing but it's kind of close quarters here so you think y'all can put a boom-shaka-lock on it for a minute?
Jazz: I'd like to accommodate you, my brother, but we're on a mission.
Carlton: Not on my Posturepedic, bud.

Will: Excuse us for a second. Listen, Jazz, man, look. I'm happy for you and your wife, but you think this mission could get scrubbed for a minute until your rocket is back on its launching pad?
Jazz: No can do, Will.
Jewel: The doctor at the clinic says this is when I'm at my most fertile. Which reminds me, sweetie. I took my temperature, all systems go.
Jazz: Permission to board the mother ship.
Jewel: Yeah.
Jazz: Yeah.
Carlton: Oh, no, you don't. There'll be no boarding of any kind, Mr. And Mrs... What the heck is your last name anyway? Hey, that's my bed.
Will: Carlton, relax, I'll get you some new Barney sheets.

Will: I cannot believe they're at it again. Man, they are not human. Hey, Jazz. This ain't funny, man. I command you to stop. Roll away from the woman.