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‘Mistaken Identity’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mistaken Identity

106. Mistaken Identity

Aired October 15, 1990

As Will joins Carlton as he drives Mr. Furth's car down to Palm Springs, the pair are pulled over by the police.

Quote from Philip

Sergeant: Sit down!
Philip: Hey! You don't talk to my wife like that.
Sergeant: Now, wait a minute, buddy. Who the hell do you think you're talking-
Philip: Who the hell do you think you're talking to?
Henry: What's going on?
Sergeant: May I help you, sir?
Henry: I'm Henry Furth.
Sergeant: Good news. Your car is safe and sound. And we've got the perpetrators.
Henry: Those aren't the perpetrators. Those are my partner's son and nephew.
Sergeant: Partner?
Philip: Legal partner. I've got a few questions for you. When you got this alleged confession from them did they have a lawyer present? No. Because I'm their lawyer. Did you notify their parents? No. Because we're their parents. So, Officer, don't tell us to wait. And don't tell us to sit down. Just open that damn cell and let those two boys out or I'll tie this place up with so much litigation that your grandchildren are gonna need lawyers!

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Quote from Vivian

Vivian: Let those kids out.
Sergeant: These kids are car thieves.
Vivian: Then you have made a big mistake. Now, I don't know how you got that bogus confession out of them but those two boys haven't stolen a thing from anyone. This has got to the biggest amateur operation I have seen since Mayberry R.F.D.
Police Officer: Could you ask your wife to calm down?
Vivian: Calm yourself, Barney Fife.
Philip: Vivian, please. Now, officers, I'm sure we can clear this whole matter up quite easily.
Sergeant: Could you please sit down? We're busy now.
Vivian: Oh, honey, we're about to get very busy.

Quote from Will

Will: "Those cops were just trying to do their jobs"?
Carlton: Will, don't get all bent out of shape.
Will: Man, you ain't learned nothing this weekend, did you?
Carlton: I most certainly did. Always bring a map.
Will: What?
Carlton: If we would have had a map we wouldn't have to drive 2 miles an hour to find a freeway entrance and we wouldn't have been stopped.
Will: Oh, okay, okay. I get it now. We were stopped because we were driving too slow. We were breaking the slowness limit. Oh, okay. Well, you see, I've never heard of that law before. But I did hear this other law. It's the "if you see a Black guy driving anything but a burned-out Pinto, you better stop him because he stole it" law. Yeah, I heard about that one. But see, I thought it was "the Black guy law" when in actuality, it was the "slowness limit law." Oh, thank you for sharing that with me, Carlton. Good night.

Quote from Will

Carlton: All right, Will. I'll share my snack with you on one condition. When we get to Palm Springs, you will behave like a proper gentleman and try to maintain some sense of decorum and etiquette. Understood?
Will: Yeah.
Carlton: Good. What do you say to an Oreo?
Will: I say, "What's up, Carlton?"

Quote from Will

Will: We got to get out of here, man. That big dude is making me nervous.
Carlton: Why?
Will: Any time you see a White guy in jail, you know he did something bad.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Hey, they were just doing their job.
Will: Good night, Carlton.
Carlton: What's your complaint here? We were detained for a few hours, Dad cleared things up, and we were released. The system works.
Will: I hope you like that system 'cause you will be seeing a lot of it in your lifetime.
Carlton: Not if I bring a map.
Will: You just don't get it, do you? No map is going to save you, and neither is your glee club or your fancy Bel-Air address or who your daddy is. Because when you're driving in a nice car in a strange neighborhood, none of that matters. They only see one thing. [exits]
Carlton: Well, maybe growing up where you did has made you a little touchy, but I think you've blown this thing out of proportion. If you look at the facts...

Quote from Carlton

Will: Listen to me, Carlton, when he comes up, keep your hands on the wheel.
Carlton: Good evening, Officer. [extends hand] Carlton Banks.
Police Officer: Keep your hands on the wheel. Where are you headed?
Carlton: We're going to Palm Springs. And yourself? Where are you headed this fine evening?
Will: Good job, Carlton. Now he's gonna want to see your license.
Carlton: Right.
Police Officer: Can I see your license?
Carlton: My license? Now, I have to warn you this picture was taken without my contacts. And the height is a typo, I'm actually a lot taller.
Will: Fool, this is not The Love Connection.

Quote from Carlton

Philip: Carlton, it's late. It's a school day tomorrow, son.
Carlton: Yeah. Yeah, okay, Dad. You know, it was awfully nice of Mr. Furth to help us out. I'll have to write him a thank-you note.
Philip: It shouldn't have happened in the first place, son. Good night.
Carlton: Dad. If you were a policeman and you saw a car driving 2 miles an hour, wouldn't you stop it?
Philip: I asked myself that question the first time I was stopped. Good night, son.
Carlton: [to himself] I would stop it.

Quote from Carlton

Sergeant: Okay, fellas, let's start at the beginning. Where are you from?
Will: LA.
Carlton: Well, not exactly.
Will: Next question, please.
Sergeant: No, let's hear what your friend has to say.
Carlton: Actually we come from Bel-Air. In fact, we live two houses away from the Reagans. We have the same pool man.
Philip: And where were you headed to?
Will: The desert. Next question, please.
Carlton: Not just the desert. Palm Springs. We're going to a legal retreat. It's at Henry Furth's villa. He's my father's partner and the owner of the car we're driving.
Sergeant: Oh, he is, is he? Then why didn't he drive it himself to Palm Springs?
Carlton: Because his wife flew everybody in her helicopter.

Quote from Will

Carlton: Why so glum, chum?
Will: It was my idea for me to drive his car to Palm Springs. How come he asked you to do it? This is a Black thing, isn't it?

Quote from Carlton

Will: Yo, man. I need another phone call. My butler hung up on me.
Sergeant: Okay, fellas. You want to talk about those other car thefts?
Carlton: Look, I don't think you know who you're talking to. I have a 3.95 grade point average which would have been 4.0, except I had to take a ceramics class and my pot exploded in my kiln. I'm going to go to Harvard Law School, graduate with honors and then I'm going to sue you blind. Now give us another phone call.
[cut to Will & Carlton being locked in a cell]

Quote from Philip

Will: Hey, Uncle Phil, I don't think you want to leave me here all weekend, you know, with no adult supervision. Did you see that movie House Party?
Philip: No. Did you see The Terminator?

Quote from Will

Carlton: This is terrible. I'm ruined. I'll be kicked out of the glee club, I won't get into Princeton. I won't be admitted to the bar.
Will: Neither will l. The cops took my fake ID.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: It's only a weekend. Besides, at your age, you should be able to baby-sit your little sister.
Hilary: Nuh-uh. Besides, why can't Geoffrey baby-sit her?
Vivian: Because we're giving him the weekend off.
Hilary: You mean I'm going to have to get my own breakfast, too? Am I being punished for something?
Vivian: I was just asking myself that same question.
Ashley: But, Dad, I'm only nine. Can't Hilary take care of herself? Oh, hi, Hilary.

Quote from Geoffrey

Philip: That's Henry and Margaret. Geoffrey, would you get that, please?
Geoffrey: [carrying suitcases] Right away, sir. I shall tend to my hernia a bit later.

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