Philip: You just getting in?
Will: Oh, just because a guy comes in in the morning wearing the same thing he had on the night before that doesn't mean he slept with anybody.
Philip: Take it easy, I'm not accusing you of anything.
Will: Maybe we parked and watched the sun come up.
Philip: All right.
Will: Or maybe we sat in the lobby and we talked all night! People do do that, you know!
Philip: I said I believe you!
Will: Good! Because I... I ain't do nothing wrong.
Philip: Did you get to spend any time with Wendy's mother?
Will: No, no, no. They was in two separate rooms, and I wasn't in either one.
Philip: Oh, before she leaves, try to spend time with her. She has a lot to offer.
Will: More than you know.
Philip: What?
Will: I said I gotta go.

Carlton: Well, well, well. And where have you been all night, mister?
Will: I'm sorry, I only answer to people over 5 feet.
Philip: [to Carlton] You're over 5 feet, aren't you?

Wendy: Oh, boy. That was a lot of fun. I sure love those old movies.
Will: Oh, yeah. Cleopatra Jones, the superbad sister.
Wendy: Oh, who do you think would win in a street fight? Cleopatra Jones or Grace Jones?
Will: Oh, see, now you're getting philosophical on me now, see. See, now, Cleopatra Jones, see, she got that karate stuff, right? She got some sweet moves on her. Plus, she be packing heat. But Grace Jones, she just scary.

Ashley: [as Uncle Phil] Ashley, go to your room.
Carlton: Oh, I love this!
Ashley: [as Uncle Phil] And take Carlton with you.
Carlton: Hey, I'm not going anywhere.
Philip: You heard what I said.

Philip: Oh, God. You know what it's like to really go after a woman and never get her?
Will: No.
Philip: Well, finally, after two years I realized that Janice wasn't gonna have me, so I settled for Vivian. [Vivian slams her handbag down] With Vivian. With Vivian! Sweetheart, that came out wrong. Honey! Honey? Baby.
Will: Geoffrey, prepare Mr. Banks' couch.

Carlton: So, what time is Dad's old flame supposed to be here?
Ashley: Carlton, she's not Daddy's old flame. They weren't even intimate.
Will: Uncle Phil discussed that with you?
Ashley: No, I heard him say it in the hall after Mom slammed the door in his face.

Vivian: Ashley, I need your help in the kitchen. Geoffrey, will you set an extra place at the table. Mr. Banks' friend is bringing her daughter.
Will: Aunt Viv, I'm just curious. Would this daughter be more of a playmate for baby Nicky, Ashley, or none of the above?
Vivian: She's 18.
Will: Good answer. [uses breath spray]

Philip: So how do I look?
Will: Like a man asking for trouble.
Philip: Oh, nonsense. Vivian and I had a long talk about this yesterday. She is perfectly secure with Janice's coming to visit.
Will: Oh. So, what happened to your nose, bro?
Philip: [stammers] Oh, this?
Will: [mock stammers] This?
Philip: Well, I- I cut myself shaving.
Will: Oh, you were shaving your nose? Okay. Was that before or after you poured that bucket of cologne on your head?

Philip: You are reading way too much into this, Will. This is just a little dinner with an old friend. [doorbell rings] Ooh, that's her.
Geoffrey: Mrs. Robertson and her daughter, Wendy.
Philip & Will: Damn!

Janice: When my editor decided to do a story on post-earthquake syndrome I jumped at the chance. I haven't seen Philip since the Princeton 10-year reunion.
Philip: Remember, we took over the registrar's office in '69?
Janice: Ooh, do I? My eyes are still burning from the tear gas.
Philip: Wendy, your mother looked radiant even in a gas mask.
Janice: Oh, Phil, please stop.
Vivian: Yes, Phil, please stop.