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‘Love Hurts’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Love Hurts

509. Love Hurts

Aired November 14, 1994

Will is embarrassed when Lisa (Nia Long) steps in to defend him from a thug at the bowling alley, so he decides to learn karate from an expert, Mr. Yoshi (Pat Morita).

Quote from Philip

Philip: Anyway, let me update this for you. Say a stranger asks you for directions. Now, you don't know where it is, but do you say that? No. You say, "Go down three blocks, make a left, you can't miss it."
Will: Yeah. I got plenty of dudes out there still looking for places.
Philip: Same guy asks a woman. Now, she doesn't know either. But she says, "I don't know." Pfft. That's the difference between men and women.
Will: Wait, wait, wait, Uncle Phil. What is it that makes men act like that?
Philip: It's testosterone, the male hormone.
Will: And women don't have testosterone?
Philip: Well, I believe they do, but theirs is dormant most of the time. Excuse me.
Will: Wait, wait. Uncle Phil, hold on. You don't know the answer to none of these questions I'm asking you, do you?
Philip: No, I guess I don't.
Will: Then why didn't you just say so?
Philip: Because I'm a man. Hmph.

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Quote from Jazz

Will: So, what am I supposed to do, Jazz?
Jazz: Only one thing to do. I give you the hoodlum pages. Let's see. Counterfeiters, extortionists, car salesmen. Ah, here it is. Guys who take dives.
Will: Wait, give me this. Wait a minute, this guy will let me punch him 10 times for 40 dollars?
Jazz: Mention this ad, and he'll throw in a head butt.
Will: Okay. So dude comes down to the Peacock he kicks up a little static, I lay him down. Lisa and everybody thinks I'm a hero. Ahh. Hey, man, where'd you get this from anyway?
Jazz: I stole it.

Quote from Will

Lisa: I wonder why you don't see a lot of Black professional bowlers.
Will: Ain't no money in it. Look, how much dough could a brother make endorsing a pair of these? It'd be like, "Hi, I'm Darnell Washington, pro bowler. Whenever I'm about to roll me a 300 game, I like to do it in these. Air Ghettos."
Lisa: Will, you are so silly.
Will: Well, you know, I try.

Quote from Will

Philip: This is about you and Lisa, isn't it? Sit down, Will. You know, ever since the dawn of civilization, man has tried to be the stronger of the species. The hunter, the protector. Have you taken any anthropology classes?
Will: Well, no, but I seen The Flintstones, like, five times.

Quote from Hilary

Vivian: Everybody clear about their duties at the carnival?
Ashley: Yes. I'll be manning the "guess your birthday" booth.
Hilary: Oh, do me, do me.
Ashley: Hilary, you're August 18th.
Hilary: Wow, you are good.

Quote from Will

Carlton: [through bullhorn] Hurry, hurry, hurry. Step right up. Step right up.
Will: Come see the amazing Rock Dwarfsky the world's shortest square-headed Negro.

Quote from Lisa

Will: Girl, you just won yourself a date to a carnival with an ebony god.
Lisa: Really? I'd rather go with you.

Quote from Will

Will: Uh, excuse me, Dark Gable. In case you didn't notice, this is my date.
Lisa: I told him.
Man: Say, baby why don't you ditch the go-cart and step up to a stretch limo?
Will: Excuse me, Messy Snipes? Listen, why don't you just take your limo and ease on up out my face, all right?

Quote from Will

Will: Where did that come from?
Lisa: Will, I've been meaning to tell you... I'm a...
Will: A what? A Power Ranger?
Lisa: I've studied a couple years of self-defense. Did I do something wrong?
Will: Yes, you did. I was just about to retaliate.
Lisa: Baby, you were on the floor.
Will: Well, that's how I fight.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: You, sir, how about a throw?
Ken Griffey Jr.: I don't think I should.
Carlton: What's the matter? Got a noodle for an arm?
Will: Carlton, that's Ken Griffey Jr., man.
Carlton: Tell you what. Since Will seems to know you how about a throw for half the price?
Ken Griffey Jr.: All right.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Who's he?
Will: He is one of the highest paid players in baseball. Hilary, this guy makes, like, a quadrillion dollars a year.
Hilary: Hi, quarterback.
Ken Griffey Jr.: How you doing?
Hilary: I'm kind of chilly. Wanna take me to Hawaii?
Ken Griffey Jr.: Sorry, I'm married.
Hilary: Then stop flirting with me.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Lisa. What are you doing here?
Lisa: You invited me, remember?
Will: Well, yeah, you know, but that was before the incident.
Lisa: Will, you shouldn't be threatened by my knowledge of shotokan.
Will: Whoa, whoa, whoa. First, I don't care if you know Chaka Khan. I ain't threatened by nobody.

Quote from Will

Will: Chan, you have offended my family. Now I must avenge my brother's death.
Mr. Yoshi: Having fun?
Will: Oh. Uh. Sorry. Listen, I was just...
Mr. Yoshi: That's okay, everybody likes to do that. What the heck happened to my coffee table?
Will: Uh, sorry about that. Hey, I'm Will Smith. I come to learn karate from the greatest, most revered master the martial arts world has ever known.
Mr. Yoshi: Oh, well, I...
Will: Hey, listen, man, I wanna be just like Steven Seagal.
Mr. Yoshi: Oh, you wanna be a bad actor. Ha-ha-ha. Yes, I can teach you the art of self-defense. But first you must learn the Japanese philosophies: patience, discipline.
Will: Yeah, that's cool, but can we hurry? I gotta whup somebody's butt quick.

Quote from Will

Mr. Yoshi: Please sit. Now, once upon a time, there was a great samurai warrior named Akira Yoshimora.
Will: Ooh. Good story. Hey, man, listen, can you teach me that thing where you ram somebody's nose up into they brain?
Mr. Yoshi: Akira's quest in life was to slay the most feared dragon in order to prove his worth as a warrior. But he never found the dragon. And on his deathbed, he finally realized that his search was pointless for the most feared dragon was within, not without.
Will: Without what?
Mr. Yoshi: I see symbolism is not one of your strong points. But let me try again. The silkworm is a very fastidious little creature...

Quote from Carlton

Thug: All right, this is a stickup. Everyone on the floor! [Carlton screams] Don't anyone try to be a hero. Let's have the cash, Webster.
Carlton: Fine, take the money. But then what? Holed up in some fleabag motel waiting for the man to come and take you away. And all that's left is to walk that last long, lonely mile with the Lord's Prayer...
Will: Will you give the man the damn money?

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