Ashley: Today was Career Day and Teresa's dad came in to speak to us.
Philip: Really? What does he do?
Ashley: Joan Rivers. Um, he's a plastic surgeon.

Will: Man, they've been in there for an hour.
Carlton: I wonder what Hilary told Mom and Dad about our part in all this.
Will: I think it's pretty safe to assume she sang like a canary.
Carlton: Well, there's no need to worry. She's been lying to them for three months. We can punch holes in her credibility. [Phil and Vivian enter] Mom, Dad, awfully sad about what happened to Hilary. Hope her crazy lies don't drag down anyone else.

Vivian: I don't know, Philip. I've been thinking.
Philip: About what?
Vivian: You know, what Hilary said when she was alone with us. You know, that I put too much pressure on her. That it's hard living up to a mother who's a college professor. That I made her feel that she could never come to us and admit she failed.
Philip: You mean you bought that crap?

Hilary: I'm not talking to you.
Will: Hey, look. Straight up, I didn't know you'd break down like that. You walk around here like nothing bothers you. And I guess I took it a little too far, and I just wanna say I'm sorry.
Hilary: Yeah, now. An hour ago you were ready to tell on me.
Will: Hilary, you tripping! I was never going to tell on you.
Hilary: Really?
Will: Come on, of course not.
Hilary: How about you, Carlton?
Carlton: We're dealing in hypotheticals here. [off their looks] Fine. I wasn't going to tell. Does that little placebo make either of you feel any better?

Will: So, I guess you're gonna hate me forever, right?
Hilary: Well, I thought about it, and I guess I brought this whole thing on myself. I mean, if I hadn't gotten you grounded, you wouldn't have blackmailed me. So, I've learned my lesson. And we're even.
Will: Oh, hey, that's decent, Hilary. Good night.
Hilary: Oh, before you go as my last official act of servitude, I did finish your laundry.
Will: I can't believe I made you do that. I'm sorry.
Hilary: It's okay. What's done is done.
Will: Hilary! My lucky "draws"! [holds up a pair of underpants with an iron burn]