‘I, Stank Horse’
Season 6, Episode 20 - Aired April 22, 1996
Carlton regrets dropping out of a golf tournament after Uncle Phil and Will team up. Meanwhile, Hilary fills in as Regis Philbin's co-host.
Quote from Will
Will: Let me tell you, this dude right here is just straight loqued-out on a golf course, man.
Philip: You are the one who managed to get the golf cart up on two wheels, with me in it. That's no easy trick. Now, come on, you gotta show me how you managed to miss those 1-foot putts.
Will: All you gotta do is not concentrate. [both laugh] I ain't tripping.
Philip: You crack me up.
Quote from Vivian
Vivian: Ash, honey, a quick tip. When that little round yellow fuzzy thing comes at you, take a swipe at it.
Ashley: I'm sorry, Mom. I guess I couldn't hear it coming. Your outfit was too loud.
Philip: Ladies, ladies, whatever happened to teamwork?
Vivian: Ashley, you're my daughter and I love you.
Philip: That's better.
Vivian: But if you double fault one more time, I am going to put you up for adoption.
Ashley: Great, maybe then I'll wind up with a mother who can hit a decent backhand.
Vivian: I'm gonna pretend I didn't hear that.
Ashley: Well, let me say it louder then.
Quote from Philip
Philip: Will? Now, we're doing great.
Will: Right.
Philip: We're down four strokes with nine holes to go. I know it's not about winning or losing-
Will: No, no.
Philip: ...but if you help me beat them, you'll never have to work another day in your life.
Will: Really?
Philip: Well, no, but I'll buy you dinner.
Quote from Hilary
Will: Hey, what's up, Hil? How'd it go with Reg?
Hilary: Regis loves me for finally bringing a little flavor to the show. The promo's about to come on.
Regis Philbin: [on TV] Join us tomorrow when our guests will be Wynonna Judd, Lisa Kudrow and Luke Perry. And, of course, my beautiful guest co-host Miss Arthel Neville.
Arthel Neville: [on TV] That's right, Reg, I'll be right here next to you all week.
Hilary: Oh, great. Now where am I supposed to sit?
Quote from Will
Carlton: Hey, Will.
Will: Hey, what's up, C?
Will: How come you're not dressed for the golf tournament?
Carlton: I'm not playing this year.
Will: Y'all play every year.
Carlton: Yeah, and every year we lose. Frankly, I'm sick of being a big loser.
Will: Come on, C, you're not big.
Carlton: Besides, I made other plans. I'm attending a seminar on how to buy foreclosed properties. You wouldn't believe the money to be made kicking people out of their own homes.
Will: Such a big heart for such a little man.
Quote from Will
Philip: Boy, I can't wait to hit those links. Ha-ha-ha. How about you, partner?
Carlton: Bad news, big guy. I made other plans.
Philip: Other plans? Carlton, this is a Banks' tradition. With you going off to Princeton in the fall this is one of the last chances we're gonna have to play golf and spend some quality time together.
Carlton: I'm sorry, big guy.
Will: Oh. Seem to me you gonna need somebody to replace him, Uncle Phil.
Philip: Right, right, right. But who?
Will: Ah. Fore.
Philip: Uh. Oh, Will, would you like to play?
Will: Oh, me? No... Yes.
Quote from Carlton
Carlton: Will, Will. Listen, just out of curiosity, what is the other thing men think about?
Quote from Will
Geoffrey: Mr. Regis Philbin.
Regis Philbin: Hilary. Hilary, it's great to finally meet you.
Hilary: Oh, thank you, Mr. Philbin.
Regis Philbin: Please, call me Regis.
Will: Hey, what's up, Regis?
Regis Philbin: You can call me Mr. Philbin. That's a joke. [laughs] I got him.
Will: I love this guy.
Quote from Vivian
Philip: Well, if it isn't Martina and Steffi. How'd the first round of your tournament go?
Vivian: Great. We won. But then again, we always do.
Ashley: Yes. Black number five, coming up.
Quote from Carlton
Carlton: I was talking about the golf tournament. I made other plans because I didn't wanna play but then I saw Will and Dad having so much fun...
Geoffrey: And now you're jealous.
Carlton: Yeah, now Will and Dad are buddies and I feel like an idiot.
Geoffrey: Well, you shouldn't. Not because of that anyway. Look everyone makes mistakes. The point is to learn from them. And most important, not to try to solve your problems with hasty immature actions.
Will: [o.s.] Hey, man, look what happened to my golf clubs. Bet it was that dirty boy Bobby Mercer. You know, it's always the quiet ones.