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‘I Know Why the Caged Bird Screams’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I Know Why the Caged Bird Screams

416. I Know Why the Caged Bird Screams

Aired January 24, 1994

After Will and Jazz steal a rival school's statue, Carlton gets caught in the reprisal. Meanwhile, Philip has an expensive security system installed.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, look, we tried to break him out, man, but it wasn't happening.
Coach: We're toast.
Will: I cannot believe what I'm seeing. Boo-hoo, our mascot ain't here. You big bunch of babies. What about your fans? They got a lot riding on this game. Their hopes, their dreams. Their nose. Hey, listen, I'm gonna tell y'all one time, and one time only. Mascots do not win football games. Players do.
Coach: Ah.
Will: And coaches. Hey, you know what, you gentlemen got a choice. You can give up and crawl away like spineless, gutless losers or you can pull it together. Throw it down, pick it up, strap it on, kick it's butt and go out as champions!
All: Yeah!
Will: This is the biggest game you will ever play.
All: Yeah!
Will: Now, sure, some of you may make it to the pros but, let's be honest, for most of you this is the end of the line. No more big games, no more free rides. No more honeys acting like you all that. Let's be honest, we don't even know if half you all are gonna graduate. Then, what you gonna do? Coach?

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Quote from Jazz

Will: Hey, did your bookie take my bet?
Jazz: You down. Five C's on ULA.
Will: You are the man. Now, who else could have found out that the Mustangs' starting quarterback has come down with the flu?
Jazz: It pays to have friends at the urology lab.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Daddy. Daddy, there's a man under my bed and I didn't tell him to hide there.
Philip: Sweetheart, he's from the security company. I'm thinking of upgrading our alarm system.
Ashley: Hilary, there was a robbery in our neighborhood. Someone cleaned out the entire east wing of the Spelling mansion.
Hilary: Ew. How are they going to fence all that crushed velvet?

Quote from Jazz

Jazz: Well, I got to go get me a new jacket. If you need me, I'll be in the lost and found.

Quote from Jazz

Will: Listen, listen, coach. Coach, listen. You're sweating it over nothing. The game is a lock. We found out that the SCU starting quarterback came down with the Canadian flu.
Coach: The Canadian flu? What the hell is that?
Will: I guess it's just like the American flu, just colder.
Coach: Hogwash. Every year SCU tries to put out some bogus rumor about one of its star players. Mess up our game plan. Last year, their kicker had rickets.
Will: Jazz, you fed me a bad tip, man. I might owe your bookie $500 that I don't have.
Jazz: Tony the Shovel ain't gonna like that. Just ask Flat Nose Gary.

Quote from Carlton

Carlton: [sings] Peacocks We're marching down the field Peacocks And we refuse to yield No one's tougher 'Cause we are rougher We are the Peacocks of ULA
Will: See, now that's exactly why people be pushing you down the steps, man.
Carlton: For your information, I've done the peacock strut exactly nine minutes before each game and we've won every time. If we beat SCU tomorrow, ULA will be the division champs. Like you care.

Quote from Will

Will: Hey, Carlton, what was Coach Kelly talking to you about?
Carlton: Oh, he likes to consult with me before making important game decisions.
Will: So, what's it gonna be, regular or grape-flavored Gatorade?

Quote from Jazz

Will: You know, it might serve them SCU punks right. Messing up the Peacock. I've been cleaning this place up all day.
Jazz: You know, you're getting soft. The Will Smith I know wouldn't get mad. He'd get even.
Will: You know what, Jazz? Tonight, you and I will acquire a vehicle and we're going to acquire the SCU statue.
Jazz: Swipe Mikey the Mustang? Now, why would I steal something I can't sell?
Will: Well, the Jazz I know didn't need a reason to do something stupid.
Jazz: You're right, Will. What was I thinking?

Quote from Hilary

Carlton: Here they are, family. Three tickets to the big game.
Philip: Ah, see what happens when your son's a mascot?
Carlton: They're right on the 50-yard line.
Hilary: Won't we be in the way?

Quote from Will

Philip: You know, Will, it wouldn't hurt if you did something for your school.
Will: Oh, I know, and I am, Uncle Phil. Tonight, I'm stealing the SCU statue.
Philip: Don't even joke about something like that.
Will: I was just kidding, Uncle Phil. But, well, hey, can I borrow the station wagon? You know, got me kind of a big date tonight, you know?
Philip: Yeah. Sure, here you are, son.
Will: Thank you, thank you.
Philip: You know, Will, illegal transportation of a school statue is a felony.
Will: Yes, sir, thank you.

Quote from Philip

Man: All right, here's the situation, unless you fortify your security system my guess is within six months you'll all be dead.
Philip: That's a little extreme, isn't it?
Man: Extreme? Let me tell you about some of the things I've seen, Mr. Banks. Homes overrun by thugs and gangs. Priceless possessions lost forever to ruthless looters. Mangled bodies of innocent people slaughtered like lambs.
Philip: God, where was this?
Man: "Mortal Kombat" by Sega.

Quote from Will

Will: Okay, check it out, check it out. So we had Mikey the Mustang here wrapped up in blankets in the back of the Volvo, right? So we about to jet off campus. All of a sudden... [Jazz imitates a siren] It's like, "Oh, five-0!" Right, yo, we knew we was busted.
Jazz: Man, I saw my whole record flash before my eyes.
Will: Yeah, I had to think fast, right? So I put on this real sincere face, before I knew it I had this cop convinced I was Sidney Poitier's son. Who's the man? Who is the man? It's me. Y'all ain't gotta say nothing, go on. Get on fools.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Carlton, we're just having a little fun, man. I know how much you hate that, baby.
Carlton: Don't you understand? SCU is going to retaliate. I mean, you've practically given them an invitation to abscond with Percival.
Will: Who?
Carlton: Hello? Percival, our beloved peacock. Look, I'm holding you personally responsible for its safety. Don't take your eyes off of him.
Will: Oh, but, Carlton, no. That means I'll miss the big pep rally.
Carlton: Well, I'm sorry, Will, don't do the crime if you can't do the time. Now, if you'll excuse me I have 4,000 fans waiting for me in the quad. Hand me my head.
Will: I'd love to.
Carlton: It's show time.

Quote from Hilary

Philip: Come on, girls, Carlton's rally starts in 45 minutes.
Ashley: I'm sorry I overslept. It took me forever to get to sleep. That guard dog was barking all night.
Hilary: Can't he be like other dogs and quietly lick himself?
Philip: Look, I got this system so that we'd all feel safe. Now, I just press in our code and we're off.
Female voice: Fifty seconds to activation. Please exit the premises. [dog barks]
Hilary: Maybe he wants a bone.
Ashley: Yeah, one of ours.
Philip: No, wait a minute. What is the release command? It's something German. Strudel, schnitzel...
Hilary: Mercedes. [dog barks]

Quote from Will

Coach: What happened to Carlton?
Will: I think my Aunt Helen dropped him on his head when he was a baby.

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