Will: Hey, look, we tried to break him out, man, but it wasn't happening.
Coach: We're toast.
Will: I cannot believe what I'm seeing. Boo-hoo, our mascot ain't here. You big bunch of babies. What about your fans? They got a lot riding on this game. Their hopes, their dreams. Their nose. Hey, listen, I'm gonna tell y'all one time, and one time only. Mascots do not win football games. Players do.
Coach: Ah.
Will: And coaches. Hey, you know what, you gentlemen got a choice. You can give up and crawl away like spineless, gutless losers or you can pull it together. Throw it down, pick it up, strap it on, kick it's butt and go out as champions!
All: Yeah!
Will: This is the biggest game you will ever play.
All: Yeah!
Will: Now, sure, some of you may make it to the pros but, let's be honest, for most of you this is the end of the line. No more big games, no more free rides. No more honeys acting like you all that. Let's be honest, we don't even know if half you all are gonna graduate. Then, what you gonna do? Coach?

Will: Hey, did your bookie take my bet?
Jazz: You down. Five C's on ULA.
Will: You are the man. Now, who else could have found out that the Mustangs' starting quarterback has come down with the flu?
Jazz: It pays to have friends at the urology lab.

Hilary: Daddy. Daddy, there's a man under my bed and I didn't tell him to hide there.
Philip: Sweetheart, he's from the security company. I'm thinking of upgrading our alarm system.
Ashley: Hilary, there was a robbery in our neighborhood. Someone cleaned out the entire east wing of the Spelling mansion.
Hilary: Ew. How are they going to fence all that crushed velvet?

Jazz: Well, I got to go get me a new jacket. If you need me, I'll be in the lost and found.

Will: Listen, listen, coach. Coach, listen. You're sweating it over nothing. The game is a lock. We found out that the SCU starting quarterback came down with the Canadian flu.
Coach: The Canadian flu? What the hell is that?
Will: I guess it's just like the American flu, just colder.
Coach: Hogwash. Every year SCU tries to put out some bogus rumor about one of its star players. Mess up our game plan. Last year, their kicker had rickets.
Will: Jazz, you fed me a bad tip, man. I might owe your bookie $500 that I don't have.
Jazz: Tony the Shovel ain't gonna like that. Just ask Flat Nose Gary.

Coach: I got a feeling in my gut something happened to him. I just know it has.
Will: Look, coach, trust me Carlton wouldn't miss that game for all the cheese in Philly.
[meanwhile, Carlton is trapped in a giant bird cage in a college house:]
Carlton: Will!
Narrator: [v.o.] Is this the end of our plucky mascot? Does this spell doom for the Fighting Peacock football team? Stay tuned, same Fresh Prince time, same Fresh Prince channel.

Carlton: [sings] Peacocks We're marching down the field Peacocks And we refuse to yield No one's tougher 'Cause we are rougher We are the Peacocks of ULA
Will: See, now that's exactly why people be pushing you down the steps, man.
Carlton: For your information, I've done the peacock strut exactly nine minutes before each game and we've won every time. If we beat SCU tomorrow, ULA will be the division champs. Like you care.

Will: Hey, Carlton, what was Coach Kelly talking to you about?
Carlton: Oh, he likes to consult with me before making important game decisions.
Will: So, what's it gonna be, regular or grape-flavored Gatorade?

Will: You know, it might serve them SCU punks right. Messing up the Peacock. I've been cleaning this place up all day.
Jazz: You know, you're getting soft. The Will Smith I know wouldn't get mad. He'd get even.
Will: You know what, Jazz? Tonight, you and I will acquire a vehicle and we're going to acquire the SCU statue.
Jazz: Swipe Mikey the Mustang? Now, why would I steal something I can't sell?
Will: Well, the Jazz I know didn't need a reason to do something stupid.
Jazz: You're right, Will. What was I thinking?

Carlton: Here they are, family. Three tickets to the big game.
Philip: Ah, see what happens when your son's a mascot?
Carlton: They're right on the 50-yard line.
Hilary: Won't we be in the way?