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‘Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is

410. Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is

Aired November 15, 1993

Ashley is determined to improve Philip's health after he has a check-up.

Quote from Will

Will: Carlton, you're going down to that hospital if I have to knock you out and call an ambulance.
Carlton: You come near me, I'll spray.
Will: Man, you don't know how lucky you are. You can be with your father whenever you want. You can eat with him and argue with him. He's there for you. You know where my father is?
Carlton: No.
Will: Neither do I.
Carlton: Look, I don't wanna see my father with tubes up his nose, okay?
Will: Carlton, there's gonna come a time when all he has is tubes up his nose-
Carlton: Not my father!
Will: Everybody's father! Except mine because I don't know where the hell he is!
Carlton: You don't understand, Will.
Will: Yes, I do. You're selfish.

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Quote from Will

Will: Well, she does have a point, Uncle Phil. I mean, hey, I'm getting tired of the fat jokes myself.
Philip: What is wrong with you people? I weigh the same thing I weighed in high school.
Will: Yeah, if you add up all four years. Guess I'm not getting as tired of those fat jokes as I thought, huh?

Quote from Philip

Will: Oh, Uncle Phil. Hey, you been out on the courts?
Philip: Played a little tennis with Ashley. I can't remember when I've worked up such a sweat.
Geoffrey: And you've certainly earned your lunch.
Philip: What the heck is this?
Geoffrey: Chicken, sir. Oh, you probably don't recognize it without a thick coating of batter and gravy.
Philip: I can't do this. I can't give up my favorite foods cold turkey with... Oh, my God. Turkey. With pillowy mounds of mashed potatoes, butter-drenched dressing, tiny onions swimming in a sea of cream sauce.

Quote from Vivian

Ashley: This is all my fault. I pushed Daddy way too hard on the tennis courts.
Hilary: No, Ashley, it was me. I scared him half to death with my stupid thrill-seeking.
Geoffrey: I'm afraid, dear family, that I am the culprit.
Vivian: What do you mean, Geoffrey?
Geoffrey: Years of my rich sauces, prime cuts of beef, sumptuous desserts have certainly gone to his heart.
Vivian: Yes, but if I wasn't there to excuse his behavior this never would've happened.
Geoffrey: Good point.
Hilary: You can't blame yourself, Mom.
Vivian: "Oh, go ahead, Philip, have dessert. You've had a hard day." "Not to worry, we can let those pants out." "I'm too tired. Go downstairs and have a snack."

Quote from Will

Will: What's up, Aunt Viv?
Vivian: Is that doctor still in with your uncle?
Will: Oh, yeah, he sure is, Aunt Viv. Oh, you know what? I heard the doctor say he thinks Uncle Phil might have Dunlap syndrome.
Ashley: Dunlap syndrome? What's that?
Will: Mean his belly done lapped over his belt.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: If you want a good workout, go with me tomorrow.
Philip: Where are you going?
Hilary: Shooting the rapids at Dead Man's Falls. See, my therapist said the only way for me to get over Trevor's death is to confront it.
Philip: But Trevor died doing a bungee jump.
Hilary: I know. I'm working up to that. Well, I'm off to my skydiving class.
Will: Whoa, whoa, Hil. That's not your parachute. That's my book bag.
Hilary: Whoops. That would've been embarrassing.

Quote from Vivian

Ashley: Mom, I don't think we can go to the movies tonight.
Vivian: Why not?
Ashley: No one's gonna be home except for Dad and I'm afraid he's gonna cheat on his diet.
Philip: What? You don't think you can trust me?
Vivian: Don't worry, honey, there's no unhealthy food in the house and I'll take the car keys with me.
Philip: This is ridiculous.
Ashley: Okay, I'll put all the local pizza places on alert, and tell them not to deliver.
Philip: Doesn't my word mean anything to you?
Vivian: Of course it does, darling. Better call the Chinese restaurants too.

Quote from Philip

Carlton: Dad? Are you okay?
Philip: Me? I'll be fine. I'll be out of this bed in no time. How about you? Are you okay?
Carlton: Me? Sure, I mean... I should've come sooner, Dad, but I was scared. You're like Superman to me.
Philip: Yeah. Cheesecake is my kryptonite. I'm sorry I let you down, son.
Carlton: You could never let me down, Dad.
Philip: I love you. [they hug]
Man: Hey, Superman, ask junior to get me a bedpan.

Quote from Philip

Dr. Hangarter: Your health is no formality, Mr. Banks. A man carrying as much weight as you are at your age has got to face the facts.
Philip: Come on, I've kept myself in pretty good shape.
Dr. Hangarter: Well, your blood pressure's up. You've a history of high cholesterol.
Philip: Come on, I've got a heart like a bull.
Dr. Hangarter: Don't take it for granted. Although the heart is the strongest muscle, it has the most responsibility. There are a lot of things that can affect your heart.
[As Dr. Hangarter listens to Uncle Phil's heartbeat, it speeds up rapidly as Will enters the room, checks himself out in the mirror and waves goodbye]

Quote from Will

Carlton: Hold on a minute. I'll have you know my father is not fat. He's just big-boned. Larger than life.
Will: Yeah, he's also larger than the Volvo.
Ashley: Will, it's not funny. Cholesterol is gathering in his arteries stopping the blood flow like rush-hour gridlock.
Carlton: Hold it, Dr. Quinn, Medicine Woman. Dad will probably outlive all of us.
Will: Only if he eats us first.

Quote from Hilary

Dr. Kevarkian: You wanna go downstairs and have an early breakfast?
Hilary: Well, thank you, Russell, but I can't. I'm in mourning.
Dr. Kevarkian: Your father's gonna be fine.
Hilary: Oh, no. See, my fiance had this unfortunate accident. That's why I was supposed to go bungee jumping earlier today. See, Dr. Martling said- Do you know him?
Dr. Kevarkian: No.
Hilary: He's my therapist. He thought if I jumped from the same place Trevor ju- Well, he didn't exactly say that. You know how sometimes your therapist says one thing and they mean something else and you have to figure out what this whole therapist talk thing is? And you can never understand-
Dr. Kevarkian: Oh, look at that, I'm being beeped. [exits]
Hilary: I didn't hear any beep.

Quote from Philip

Will: Whoop, there he is. Oh, man. Hey, Uncle Phil, bet you never thought you'd get a standing O in this house?
Philip: Well, there was a time I never thought I'd see this house again.
Will: Ah, you was probably worried about just seeing this kitchen again, right? I'm sorry, that's a leftover fat joke. I'm tripping.
Philip: Go ahead. Well, you get them in while you can. Soon I'll be a lean, mean judicial machine.
Geoffrey: I'll cover all bets on that one.

Quote from Hilary

Carlton: But if you ask me I think it's a waste of time to even consider life insurance.
Vivian: Now, honey, your father's a very responsible man. He wants to make sure that if anything happens to him, we'll be taken care of.
Hilary: That's true. After all, Daddy has gotten us used to living this fancy lifestyle. Oh, did I tell you? I went in on a racehorse.

Quote from Ashley

Vivian: What did the doctor say?
Philip: Everything's fine. Well, he was a little worried about my weight.
Ashley: Do you realize you're eating about a million grams of fat?
Philip: Oh, thank you, honey.
Ashley: I'm serious, Daddy. I'm not gonna sit here and watch you eat yourself into an early grave.
Philip: Okay, then you're excused.
Ashley: Fine. [takes Uncle Phil's plate]
Philip: Hey.
Vivian: Ashley, what are you doing?
Ashley: Something you all should've done a long time ago.

Quote from Carlton

Will: Yo, Carlton, what's up, man? What you working on?
Carlton: It's an assignment from English class. I'm supposed to imagine myself twenty years from now.
Will: Oh, no wonder you're so depressed.
Carlton: You laugh now, but I figure, 20 years from now, my dad will be taking his seat on the Supreme Court. We'll still see each other, especially on weekends when he and Mom come by to see me and little Carlton.
Will: You are little Carlton.
Carlton: And if the family is at all consistent my wife's wise-guy nephew will move in and make my life a living hell.
Will: Your wife? Oh, this is science fiction.

Quote from Ashley

Will: Yo, Uncle Phil, snap out of it, man. Come on, now, those days are over. You promised Ashley.
Philip: You're right, Will. You're right, I did. Geoffrey... I could make this worth your while.
Geoffrey: Well, sir, for a price I could show you something in a greasy snack.
Ashley: What's going on here?
Will: [imitates siren] Put your hands up. Step away from the chips.
Ashley: Listen, Dad, you might not care about how clogged your arteries are but I do, and I'm doing something about it.
Geoffrey: And doing a wonderful job, I might add.
Ashley: Shut up, Geoffrey. The kitchen is officially closed for high-fat inventory. Come on.

Quote from Philip

Philip: This. This is crazy.
Will: Come on, what you talking about, Uncle Phil? Oh, this one's easy.
Philip: Ashley hid the remote control, so I have to walk to the TV. Geoffrey's feeding me all kinds of healthy food. Why does she hate me, Will?
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil. I say she's just following the doctor's orders. You gotta lose some weight, man.
Philip: But this is getting out of hand. Ashley has spies at every fast food restaurant for miles.

Quote from Philip

Philip: You know, I'd give anything for a cheeseburger, Will. Anything. Why, I might even finance your little trip to Mexico.
Will: How you trying to play me, Uncle Phil? I'm saying Mexico is important to me, but not if it will jeopardize your health.
Philip: Look, I know the doctor's telling the truth. It's just that I've got a lot going on. I'm under a lot of pressure. You let me get a running start at this diet. [steps on treadmill] See?
Will: How much running you talking about?
Philip: Uh, well... [Will turns the treadmill up] Well, I'll make a New Year's resolution, and by March... [Will turns up the treadmillagain ] February... you won't even recognize your old Uncle Phil.
Will: And that's this New Year's, right? [Will turns up the treadmill again]
Philip: Well, you have my solemn vow.

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Well, I'm off.
Vivian: What are you dressed for?
Hilary: I'm learning to drive a Formula 1 racecar.
Philip: Hilary, I've had enough of your death-defying stunts. And I want it stopped now. [Hilary whimpers]
Vivian: What he means, dear is we don't wanna see you taking risks like this.
Hilary: My therapist was right. You just aren't nurturing enough.

Quote from Will

Philip: You got the stuff?
Will: Right here. You got the money?
Philip: You take a check?
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil, I'm leaving for Mexico in a hour.
Philip: Look, I don't know if I have that cash on me.
Will: Well, I hope there's an ATM because I've been buying your food all week and I ain't got no problem eating your dinner.

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