Ashley: Hilary, do you remember the first time you fell in love?
Hilary: Oh, this is important. Come. Come. Come. Sit. Sit. Sit. It was Lawrence Young, the most beautiful man at Bel-Air Prep. Oh! To put it simply, he was a god. He had been held back three years so he was really buff. Oh, he had the most amazing...
Ashley: Hilary. Hilary. Hilary, I get the picture.
Hilary: Oh, Ashley, are you in love?
Ashley: I think so. I feel like Derek's the one. I don't think I'll ever feel this way about anybody else.
Hilary: Oh, Ash, I am so happy for you. But long-distance relationships don't usually work out. I mean, look at the Little Mermaid. I mean, she was stuck in the sea and he was stuck on land.
Ashley: But they ended up together.
Hilary: Yeah, with the help of a lobster. You know a lobster?

Hilary: Daddy, if you're always losing your keys, you should use my system.
Ashley: What's that?
Hilary: Okay, like, I was always losing my car keys so I went down to the key store and had 30 copies made. That way when I lose a key, I always have another one. And next month, I do the same thing.
Ashley: That's your system?
Hilary: Absolutely. And I did the same thing with our house key.
Philip: You mean, there are copies of our house key all over Los Angeles?
Hilary: Don't worry, Daddy. I put our name and address on all of them.

Hilary: Anyway, Bruce, Demi and I all feel that the ozone layer must be protected. I mean, every square foot of rain forest that's cut down brings us just one step closer to global warming. We have to learn to protect the earth. Not just for ourselves and not just for our children but for the future of all mankind.
Woman: Oh, I had no idea it was such a serious problem. I really commend you for getting involved in such a good cause.
Hilary: Thanks. It's my passion.
Woman: Where can I send a donation?
Hilary: [scoffs] I don't know.

Hilary: Congratulate me. It took all day but I finally found the perfect pair of alligator pumps to wear to the Save the Everglades rally tonight.

Philip: Why do you need $200, Hilary?
Hilary: For books. I'm changing my major.
Vivian: To what?
Hilary: Communications.
Philip: And exactly what does that entail?
Hilary: You know, it's like... You know, it's communications. You know, it's, like, the study of communicating, okay?
Will: Why do you want to major in that?
Hilary: Because I'm good at it.

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, will you please be sensible?
Hilary: My friends are out there, Geoffrey. One of them is going to go to medical school, the other one landed a job with IBM, and if they see me out there serving, they're gonna think I'm a big fat zero.
Geoffrey: What matters is what you think about yourself.
Hilary: [scoffs] Maybe in Des Moines. This is L.A., okay? Besides, I lied to get this job and now I can't do it. I quit.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary? Remember when you were 9, you begged your parents to buy you a violin. But five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, it irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, okay, I quit that, too. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!

Hilary: I can't believe this. I mean, Will being arrested means we're all going to be investigated. I mean, this is how they knocked off Imelda Marcos. I'll just die if they touch my shoes.
Geoffrey: I'd die if you made your own bed.

Trevor: Anyway, Alexis said I couldn't have called at a better time. They're doing a show about political candidates and their families and she said that one of the families just dropped out.
Hilary: So they're flying all of us to Chicago tomorrow morning. I'm so excited. I have always wanted to go to Chicago. Oh, wait, am I going to need a passport?

Hilary: Guess what? You're not going to believe this.
Will: You paid for your own dinner?
Hilary: Are you insane? I'm going to be interviewed by the "LA Weekly." Now that I'm a famous weather girl people want to know the real me. Now, if anyone asks, I'm 21 and I fought in Desert Storm.

Vivian: Oh, Philip, you all right? You look like you're in shock.
Philip: Shock? Oh, no, it figures.
Hilary: Oh, here's the best part. I asked Trevor to officially propose to me during his Slice of L.A. segment on tomorrow's news. That way, all of Los Angeles can share in our happiness. [Hilary empties a vase and throws the bouquet back, which Carlton catches]
Philip: Hilary, sweetheart I think there may be a question that you should ask yourself.
Hilary: I already did. I'm going to register at Tiffany's.
Philip: No, no, sweetheart. Are you in love with Trevor?
Hilary: What's love got to do with it? I'm having a wedding.