Will: Hey, hey, hey. Maurice, hold on, hold on. Hey, listen, man, this really doesn't have anything to do with you. You kind of drifted into a no-fly zone. Look, Potsie don't know what he talking about, all right? Look, you are all of that, and the truth of the matter is Hilary's show is really cool, the audience is growing every day and, furthermore, you'd have a great time doing it.
Maurice Perry: I don't know.
Will: Hey, look. Come on, man. I'm telling you. The honeys is buzzing around there like a straight-up beehive, you know? You know?
Maurice Perry: All right, I'll do the show.
Will: All right.
Maurice Perry: But keep the Smurf away from me.

Werner: [to Carlton] You're fired.
Carlton: [screams]
Werner: Will, you're hired.
Carlton: [screams]
Will: Did you hear that? You're fired and I'm hired. "Did you hear the rumor that Carlton was fired and Will was hired?"
Carlton: [screams]

Carlton: Well, if it isn't the wise-cracking, job-taking, sister-stealing slug himself.
Will: Whoo! Who's sucking on them sour grapes now, huh, Carlton? I mean, hey, sure, you lost your new job and you can't get your old one back but, hey, we've all got problems. Look at mine. I've got to take out a famous comedian's beautiful sister and I'm out of Binaca. But you don't hear me crying, do you? Boo! Aah!

Will: Hey, look who's here.
Hilary: Where's Jasmine?
Will: Who?
Hilary: Jasmine.
Will: Oh! You said, "Jasmine," I thought you said, "Jazz, man."

Geoffrey: Perhaps you might enjoy a bowl of soup, sir. Miss Jasmine brought it by for you.
Will: She was here? Why didn't you say she was here?
Geoffrey: You asked if she called, sir.
Will: G, come on, man. Where is she?
Geoffrey: I don't know. I believe Master Carlton took her to Club Freak On.
Will: Why would he do that?
Geoffrey: Don't know, don't care.

Jasmine Perry: Carlton was right. It was only a three-and-a-half-hour virus. I can't wait for you to take me to Santa Barbara for the weekend. I hear they have nude beaches.
Will: Carlton!