Philip: Geoffrey, are you all right?
Geoffrey: Never better, sir.
Philip: What is all this stuff?
Geoffrey: Oh, they're for Frederick. Transformers. They're on special. A mitt. A football. A tool set. And, just in case, a book on interior design.
Philip: Geoffrey, I hate to break this to you, but you're about 10 years too late. And boys Frederick's age don't play with toys.
Will: Ooh! Transformers. I've been looking for Razorbeast since, like, October.
Geoffrey: I must admit, sir, I'm at a loss. You've raised four children. Well, five if you include...
Will: [screams] Bow before Razorbeast or I will crush you.

Philip: Geoffrey, I have known you for years. You will be a great father.
Geoffrey: But, sir, I don't know anything about him. I don't know what his interests are. I don't even know whether he would prefer a loose or a firm pleat.
Philip: Geoffrey, you will have plenty of time to find everything out.
Geoffrey: Had I known I was a father, I would've known all this. I would have been there.
Philip: I know you would have.
Geoffrey: I'm so nervous. I just don't want to let him down.
Philip: Geoffrey, you will do fine. Just be yourself.
Geoffrey: Does that mean I don't have to play catch with him?
Philip: That's right.
Geoffrey: Oh, good. Then he doesn't have to know his dad throws like a girl.

Geoffrey: What's going on?
Frederick: I came here to give you this.
Geoffrey: I don't understand.
Will: [high-pitched voice] Will, I thought you said we was going out tonight? [normal voice] Here I come, y'all.
Geoffrey: Well, Frederick?
Frederick: I came here to scam money from the father I never knew. But somewhere along the way I realized I can't do this. I suppose I'm not the son you thought I was.
Geoffrey: I had no expectations. Until yesterday, I didn't even know I had a son. But you knew you had a father whom you'd never met. Frederick, what you did was not out of malice towards me, it was out of confusion and anger.
Frederick: So you forgive me?
Geoffrey: That is what fathers do.

Geoffrey: Oh, goody. I thought I was going to run out of things to do today.
Hilary: Good God, Geoffrey, this place is a mess.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, it's comments like that, that makes this job worthwhile.
Hilary: Geoffrey, Regis Philbin is going to be here any minute.
Geoffrey: Ah. Another pair of hands to lighten the load.
Hilary: This is important. Kathie Lee has the flu. He's looking for a co-host while he's in Los Angeles.
Will: Whoa, that's a big deal, Hil. Hey, anything I can do to help?
Hilary: Yeah. Don't talk to him. I don't want anyone to mess it up by saying something stupid.
Geoffrey: It's going to be a very quiet meeting.

Philip: Well, Geoffrey this is it. You are officially off duty.
Geoffrey: Yes! [laughs] I'm sorry.
Philip: Well, I've taken the liberty of upgrading your ticket to London to first class.
Geoffrey: Why, thank you, sir. In lieu of my spring bonus?
Philip: In addition to it.
Geoffrey: I'm getting lightheaded.

Hilary: Geoffrey, could you help me with my bag? Just kidding. [picks up bag]
Geoffrey: It would be my pleasure. [takes the bag]
Geoffrey: Goodbye, Master William.
Will: Hey, hey, hey. What's that, G?
Geoffrey: Goodbye, Will. [they shake hands]
Will: Bye-bye, G. [they hug]

Vivian: Geoffrey. It's Halloween. It's supposed to be fun for the children.
Geoffrey: Oh, tell it to Barney.

Geoffrey: Lord Fowler gave me my first job as a full-fledged butler. And he's one of the most important men in Britain.
Ashley: Well, I wouldn't want to embarrass you. British people have really good manners.
Carlton: Ashley, I used to be intimidated by the British. I thought they were superior in taste, style, and breeding. Then I saw Benny Hill.
Geoffrey: Master Carlton. First of all, I like Benny Hill. Secondly, while Lord Fowler is here I must ask you to keep wisecracks like that to yourself. During his stay, I want all of you children to maintain an air of quiet dignity.

Will: G, what is up with you today, man? I mean, you're seeming all jumpy at anything.
Geoffrey: Jumpy? No, not me.
Will: Come on, G, you can-
Geoffrey: Stop persecuting me! I've done nothing, I tell you. Nothing.
Will: You just can't get good help these days.