Carlton: Isn't that Patrick Swayze?
Will: I don't know. You tell us, Carlton. You see, Janet, not only is Carlton brilliant and handsome he also knows everybody who's anybody. Ain't that right, Jazz?
Jazz: Does he know Janet Jackson?
Janet: William, ever since we got here you've been going on and on about Carlton this and Carlton that. Boy, save your charm for the girl on your arm.
Carlton: Well, someone has her rude hat on tonight.

Carlton: You did an excellent job on those apology notes.
Janet: I'll mail them right away.
Carlton: Mail them?
Janet: I'm sorry, Carlton. I'll hand-deliver them.
Carlton: That's better. I'll get your coat. [to Will] I really should write a book.

Carlton: Forget it, Will. I'd rather share a seesaw with Delta Burke.

Carlton: Well, Will, you really knocked them dead the other night, huh? Don't get him mad, Mom. You don't want to make him raise his voice.
Vivian: Carlton, take out the trash, honey.
Carlton: I did it last week, it's the Terminator's turn. [on the phone] Dan Quayle, please. I'll hold.
Vivian: Carlton, why are you calling Dan Quayle?
Carlton: Simple. Thanks to the Grim Reaper over here and Judge Robertson taking the old dirt nap, the governor has to appoint someone and the right endorsement could swing it to Dad. [on the phone] Yeah, Carlton Banks. That's B-A-N-K-S. No E. [laughs] That was a joke, ma'am. Hello? The phone's dead, Will!
Will: Carlton, man, I am not a killer. [Carlton laughs after falling to the ground clutching his chest] That's not funny.

Carlton: That girl wanted me, Aunt Janice.
Janice: Carlton, when a woman says, "Drop dead, troll" it usually means she's not interested. Now, come on.
Carlton: I'll call you.

Coach: I got a feeling in my gut something happened to him. I just know it has.
Will: Look, coach, trust me Carlton wouldn't miss that game for all the cheese in Philly.
[meanwhile, Carlton is trapped in a giant bird cage in a college house:]
Carlton: Will!
Narrator: [v.o.] Is this the end of our plucky mascot? Does this spell doom for the Fighting Peacock football team? Stay tuned, same Fresh Prince time, same Fresh Prince channel.

Carlton: And the next thing I know, I'm on this train heading for home. So all in all, this has been the most bizarre night of my life.
Man: Do you ever wonder what makes your skin stay on?