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Burnin' Down the House

‘Burnin' Down the House’

Season 6, Episode 1 -  Aired September 18, 1995

Will has a mishap in the kitchen ahead of an important dinner for Uncle Phil. After hearing about the emergency, Carlton leaves the Young Republicans Camp and treks home across the country.

Quote from Carlton

Hippie: So what I'm saying is, there shouldn't be a rich or poor. We should all just share the wealth, man.
Carlton: Oh, I beg to differ.
[The VW camper van pulls over and Carlton is tossed out onto the sidewalk]

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Quote from Will

Will: Ah. That was close. That was close. Oh, man. Oh, my God. I don't believe it. I almost burned the kitchen down. Oh, no! No! Auntie Em! Auntie Em!
[later:]
Will: Mama, no!

Quote from Hilary

Philip: The whole family will be there. He's gonna make his decision about who is to preside over the Show-Biz Madam Trial.
Hilary: Ew. She's so scuzzy. I mean, it's bad enough that she gets hookers for married men, but blue eye shadow? Hello.

Quote from Will

Fire Chief: Our work here is done. You okay?
Will: No, I'm not okay, man. How could I do this? I mean, it ain't like I ain't done some stupid stuff since I been out here but how am I supposed to explain this?
Fire Chief: Son, just how did this happen?
Will: I had a little accident cooking the flambe.
Fire Chief: Flambe? You torched your uncle's kitchen cooking flambe? [laughs] Black folks ain't supposed to cook flambe. You stupid. Hey, guys, sissy boy been cooking flambe. [stops laughing] I hope I've been of assistance to you.

Quote from Geoffrey

Geoffrey: Good evening, Master William.
[Geoffrey puts a bag of groceries on the burnt counter, which then fall to the ground. He walks over to the refrigerator and places a bag of groceries through the hole in the door. He walks over to Will, picks up a burnt-out stool and sits down on the frame.]
Geoffrey: Of all the rooms to burn in your uncle's house. The kitchen. Are you mad, boy?

Quote from Will

Will: lxnay on the Indian food. Judge can't take spicy. [sprays water on the chicken] Come on, don't just stand there. Help me.
Geoffrey: This is insanity. I want no part of this, Master William. You have gone too far.
Will: Look, if I got to hose down some poultry to pull this off, that's what I'm gonna do. Are you with me?
Geoffrey: Oh.
Will: [grabs sauce bottles] Red or brown? G, red or brown?
Geoffrey: Don't make me choose.
Will: Red or brown?
Geoffrey: Ooh. Brown.

Quote from Will

Will: Oh, Lord, help me, no!
Philip: Pardon me.
Will: Hey, look, Uncle Phil, no disrespect, man but you got to watch where you parking that thing. Man, you know, get some flashing lights or some horns or something. [imitates beeping] I'm gonna just go ahead and shut up now.
Philip: You've been sitting on this couch all morning. A little bored?
Will: Oh, no, man. I'm cool. What you reading?
Philip: A postcard from Carlton. He's doing something with his summer.
Will: [as Carlton] "Dear Big Guy. Thanks a lot for sending me to Young Republicans Camp. Yosemite's really neat. Hey, I'm rooming with Newt's nephew, Fig."
Philip: I wouldn't make fun of them. These kids are the future leaders of this country.

Quote from Will

Philip: You know why you're bored, don't you? You miss your cousin Carlton.
Will: Pfft. Ha! Please, me miss Carlton? Pfft. I forgot all about him. Did he say when he coming back?

Quote from Hilary

Hilary: Hi, everyone, guess what. Wolfgang Puck is coming on my show on Monday. We're doing a cooking segment together.
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary in the kitchen? [laughs]
Will: Hey, you know what? That's cool, Hil. What say we go hook something up now? I'll help you practice.
Hilary: Help me cook? You must really be bored.

Quote from Geoffrey

Will: Yeah, you know, that is a little stank. Hey, G, imagine a dude so desperate that he'll pay for sex.
Geoffrey: Imagine that.

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