Pappy: [plays guitar and sings] Nobody loves me but my mother And she could be jivin' too Now you know why I act funny with you, baby When you do the things you do
Carlton: I'm home.

Mr. Bradley: As you know, your father and I were classmates at Princeton. He was quite the big man on
campus.
Will: Well, he's even bigger now.
Mr. Bradley: [laughs] Yeah, well, aren't we all? [both laugh] I was very impressed with your application. Particularly cogent was your essay on the fall of Eastern Europe.
Will: Mm. If you like Eastern Europe in the fall you should see it in the spring, it's beautiful.
Mr. Bradley: Oh, you. [laughs] Oh, you've got a good sense of humor. Obviously, you got that from your dad.
Will: Oh, you know my Dad?
Mr. Bradley: Well, yes, didn't I just mention that a moment ago?
Will: Ah! Oh, yeah. Of course. Of course. Big man on campus.
Mr. Bradley: I see here that you've worked for a lot of charities. Which one meant the most to you?
Will: Um... The second one. But this has all been about me, Mr. Bradley. Me, me, me. Frank, is there a Mrs. Bradley? A couple of baby Bradleys? Hey, have you seen Braveheart?

Pappy: Look, friend, we can talk about candy all day but you ain't gonna convince me that blue was a bad way to go. By the way I hear that whistle blowing. I got a train to catch.
Carlton: Well, let's go.
Pappy: Hey, hold on there, Sparky. Before you catch any train, how about you telling me what you're running away from?
Carlton: Okay. But this won't be pretty.

Carlton: But I guess the signs were always there. Oh, sure these chiseled good looks and striking personality opened the doors of opportunity quickly but lately, they've been closing even quicker. Oh, heck, who am I kidding? Look at me, I'm not Princeton material. Like the song says, Pappy "You gotta know when to fold them." It's my time to fold.
Pappy: Sounds like, to me, you're giving up.
Carlton: You're a smart man, Pappy.
Pappy: Listen, Carlton, it's one thing to throw in the hand but it's another thing to get up from the table and quit the game.

Philip: Oh, Geoffrey, are my sandwiches ready yet?
Vivian: Philip, for God's sake, we're going to SeaWorld. There's gonna be food stands everywhere.
Will: Oh, yeah, that may be true, Aunt Viv, but there ain't gonna be no food stand in the Volvo. You know, you better let that man eat and give him food or he'll mess around and chew one of your arms off in the car.

Carlton: [on the phone] Carlton Banks here. Huh? What do you mean I didn't get the job? Budget problems? But I was volunteering.

Will: Hello? Hey, Carlton. Carlton. Hey, it's cool. Relax, man. Everything's gonna be all right. Hey, look here. National Geographic, huh? Special issue. The ladies of the Sudan, you know what I'm saying, huh?

Will: Hey, what's up, G? Another Village People reunion?
Geoffrey: As it is my weekend off, I've decided to head for the Circle M Dude Ranch. There's nothing like the feel of an animal beneath you to recharge your battery.
Will: I know what you're talking about there, G.
Geoffrey: No, I'm afraid you don't, Master William. But I do find it rather endearing when you think you do. Have a nice weekend.
Will: Have fun at the "dude ranch."

Will: Hey, hey, hey, look. Make sure you stay friends with that one in the pink, you know what I mean? Couple more years of seasoning, you know, put a little barbecue sauce on her, let her marinate, you know what I mean?
Ashley: Oh, get out. Get out right now, Will.

Kyle: I've heard a lot about you, Ashley. Great party. This is nice.
Ashley: Really? You think so?
Kyle: Mm-hm.
Ashley: Well, I have parties all the time.
Kyle: Really?
Ashley: Yeah.
Kyle: And your parents don't mind?
Ashley: Mind? Ha! They practically write out the guest list.
Kyle: Wow, I wish my parents were that cool.