Jazz: And by the powers invested into me and for the republic in which it stands, I now pronounce you man and wife. Get busy.
Monique: Will, I'm so happy. I can't believe we did this.
Will: Me, neither. Come on, let's go, baby. [Jazz throws rice at the couple] Father, Father. Chill, all right? Look, baby, I'm I need to take care of the Reverend, all right?
Monique: Okay, honey, I'm going to go warm up the car. [kisses Will]
Jazz: Hey, hey, hey. This is God's crib. Take that in the street where it belongs.

Jazz: You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.
[to another woman:]
Jazz: You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh but I could be convinced to give up...
Will: Excuse me, Father, could I rap to you for a second.
Jazz: Don't go away baby. Bartender, another Olde English for the lady.

Will: Jazz, sit down. Look, I can't believe I let you talk me into this, man. I feel awful.
Jazz: Will, a naked, willing female is in your room. Stop me when I get to the awful part.
Will: I don't have a right to treat her like this, man. She's a human being.
Jazz: Well, that's enough. Now, get a bottle of whiskey, liquor that girl up and take advantage of her. Be a man for God's sake.
Will: Jazz, I'm sorry, man, I can't. I've got to tell her the truth.
Jazz: Maybe you're right. Perhaps we've both been a little remiss in our treatment of women.
Will: You think?
Jazz: Yeah. You inspire me, Prince. From now on I, too, will be completely honest in my dealings with the fair sex.
Will: My man. [exits]
Jazz: [to a woman] You know, my child, I've never known the pleasures of the flesh but I could be convinced to give up the priesthood for you.

Hilary: All I could overhear were the words Mercedes, wife, and Monique and then Dad ran out of the house.
Carlton: Well, I think it's obvious what happened. Will and Monique stole a Mercedes, and ran over somebody's wife.
Hilary: Carlton, that's ridiculous. Obviously, Will has been seeing a woman named Mercedes, Monique found out and I'm still working on the wife part.
Ashley: Well, I think Will married Monique just to get her into bed and when she found out, she got so mad she took off in Dad's Mercedes. [Carlton & Hilary laugh]
Carlton: Get real!
Philip: [enters] I still can't believe that you could do something so despicable. I mean, marrying Monique just to get her in bed?
Will: Even I don't believe it.
Ashley: [to Carlton & Hilary] Sss!

Will: Oh, man. You know, Monique I've never said this to a girl before, but... [As Carlton and Hilary stand on the stairs, Hilary mimes what Will's saying] Oh, baby, you all that and a bag of chips!
Monique: Oh, Will, am I?
Will: Hey, I'm lying, I'm dying, you know what I'm saying?
Monique: Oh, Will. [Ashley comes down the stairs]
Will: Hey, babe, I got to tell you, whatever it is that you serving...
Ashley: You better give me a double!
Will: I was just playing. You know how I be joking. I be joking. I wasn't being straight up with you. But I will now. [Geoffrey walks up behind the couch and mimes what Will's saying] Monique, I care about you, baby. I care about you so much. I couldn't trust myself to express my real feelings.

Will: Man, something smells good. Oh, wait, that's me. Hey, y'all, check it out. I just tried on that new Michael Jackson cologne down at the mall.
Hilary: I don't smell anything.
Will: Oh, that's funny. It's a lot lighter than it was when I put it on.
Hilary: What are you doing wearing cologne anyway? You never wear cologne.
Ashley: He wants to smell good for Monique. They have a big date tonight.
Will: Yeah. Well, I figured, you know, y'all gonna be out the house and my man, G, here has the night off.
I figure Monique will come over, we'll go up to my room and six or seven hours later, we'll come back down again, you know what I'm saying? You don't know what I'm saying.

Geoffrey: Miss Monique is here to see you.
Will: What's up, baby?
Monique: Hi, honey.
Geoffrey: Oh, if you need me, I'll be dodging winos at the bus station.

Monique: Boy, you are pretty slick, Will Smith.
Will: And I ain't even oiled up yet, you know?
Monique: I think I should tell you, nothing turns me on more than a sense of humor.
Will: Really? Maybe you'd like to go upstairs and I could do my stand-up.
Monique: Now, why waste time going upstairs? See, this way whenever you pass the couch, you'll think of me.
Will: Maybe I could get some memories of you in the kitchen and the Jacuzzi, too.

Carlton: Will. It's only 7:00. What are you doing up?
Will: Oh, man, look here, I've been up for hours, man. I swam like 20 laps in the pool, went down, shot some hoops, jogged around the track a half dozen times. Oh, I waxed your car for you, too.
Carlton: No nookie last night?
Will: Man, no nookie, no nothing, man. Look, see, I don't understand, man. She was here, everything was lovely and perfect then all of a sudden, she wasn't with it no more. I don't get it.

Will: Baby, here we go. Over the threshold. Oh, look at this, a chair a nice drawer. Oh, but look what's over here, a bed.
Monique: Honey, wait. Slow it down. This is our wedding night.
Will: I know, I know, but we only got 18 hours left before checkout. These damn buttons. You got some scissors, girl?
Monique: Will, please, now, come on. Just give me a minute, okay? I want to put something special on for you.
And I promise it'll be worth the wait. Trust me. [exits]
Will: [to himself] Hey!