Vivian: Honey, have you seen my Obsession perfume? Oh, baby, this is the perfect choice for tonight. Oh, I think this is the cutest outfit you have.
Ashley: Okay, I'm cute. Can we move on now?
Vivian: You remember the first boy you had over to watch TV, Hilary?
Hilary: Please. I don't remember the guy I went out with last week.

Ashley: Sorry, Will. I was just upset about that stupid outfit Hilary picked out.
Will: If you don't like it, why don't you just say so?
Ashley: 'Cause everyone's too busy going, "Aw!"
Will: Yeah. I know how you feel. My mom still asks me if I went boom-boom.
Ashley: Will, you're the only one who doesn't treat me like a baby. You've been out with lots of girls.
Will: Yeah, this has been an exceptional week.

Will: Look, Ashley. Don't you think sex is something you should discuss with Aunt Viv? You know, like, over a cup of General Foods International Coffee?
Ashley: Look, I mean, it's hard enough for me to accept the fact that Mom and Dad even did it. I don't want to talk about it with them. Besides, we've already discussed all the technical stuff. I mean, I know all about eggs, fallopian tubes-
Will: Am I gonna have to wash your mouth out with soap, young lady?
Ashley: Oh, Will, grow up. I'm old enough to marry Jerry Lee Lewis.

Ashley: Look, if Mom and Dad knew about all these weird feelings I'm starting to have, they'd freak. Promise not to tell them?
Will: All right, all right. But I want you to stop having these feelings. You don't want to be that kind of girl.
Ashley: You mean the kind you like?
Will: What is this? The Spanish Inquisition?
Ashley: Look, Will, when a girl doesn't fool around you never call her back.
Will: There's a reason for that, Ashley. Not one I'm proud of, but there's a reason for that.
Ashley: It's 'cause there's nothing to remember. Now, how come it's okay for you and not for me?
Will: Look, it's just... Look, well... Look, I can't answer all these questions, Ashley.
Ashley: And I thought you were the one person who would understand.
Will: I do understand, Ashley. You know, it's just that... I just need a little time to get prepared, all right?
Ashley: But I thought you knew everything about sex.
Will: Yeah, well. Look, I just, you know... I just want to make sure there haven't been any new developments, you know in the last day or so.

Will: Let's watch some TV.
Man: [on TV] Okay. Couple number two. Where's the most unusual place you've ever made whoopee?
Will: Boy, that was good. Hey, how about some music?
Radio: ♪ I want to sex you up ♪
Will: Filth!
Kevin: I like that song.
Will: You would. You men disgust me.

Will: Hey, there's my favorite cousin. Come over here and have a seat with us. Hey, move over, man.
Carlton: Will, I'm late to pick up Dora.
Will: Come on. Now wouldn't you much rather spend time with us playing a nice sweet game of Duck-Duck-Goose?
Carlton: Dora can tie a slipknot with her tongue.
Hilary: Okay. Who ate all the whipped cream?
Will: Is there no end to you people's preoccupation with sex?
Hilary: Somebody's girlfriend got grounded again?

Ms. Rinkoff: Now, how can I help you?
Will: Uh, by turning into an old ugly man.
Ms. Rinkoff: Boys, there's no reason to be embarrassed about sex.
Carlton: Hey, we're all adults here.
Ms. Rinkoff: Exactly. Everyone has questions about their reproductive organs.
Carlton: Must you be so raw?

Vivian: Kids, we found these pamphlets. Is there anything anyone here would like to discuss?
Philip: Okay. Who's pregnant?
Will: Hey, not me.
Carlton: Not me.
Hilary: I'm gonna go out on a limb and make that unanimous.

Vivian: We want to talk to you. About sex.
Ashley: I know where babies come from. I took sex education.
Philip: I thought you took band.
Vivian: Now, I know that there are some feelings you're experiencing as a young woman. And I just wanna know, do you have questions?
Ashley: Well, a few.
Philip: Then we'll do our best to answer them for you.
Ashley: Thanks. Kevin asked his mom a question and she fainted.
Philip: Well, I guess the first thing I better do, then, is sit down.

Kevin: Can I blow in your ear?
Ashley: Why?
Kevin: I don't know. I heard Will say it.
Ashley: Oh, okay.
Kevin: What's it doing?
Ashley: l think it's giving me an earache.
Kevin: It wasn't doing much for me, either. Besides, I like kissing better.
Ashley: Me, too.