Danny: Uh-oh.
Will: What? What's the matter?
Danny: My water broke.
Will: Oh, that's cool. We got another one, right here in the fridge.
Danny: No, no. I mean, I think I'm having the baby.

Will: Help! Help! Damn you. I said, "Help!" Hey, is there a doctor in the parking lot?
Man: [o.s.] I'm a doctor.
Will: Thank God. Look, Doc, I got a lady in here having a baby. Yeah, you're going to have to climb over that car. That's good. All right, come on. Wait, yo, look out. Don't, man. [car horn; skidding sound; thud] Is there a doctor for the doctor?

Philip: Hear you had a pretty full night, too, huh?
Will: Oh, man. Uncle Phil, I got to tell you, when Danny went into labor, man, I was trying to get the heck out of there.
Philip: I heard that.
Will: But then it was, like... All of a sudden, it was a little alive wiggly thing, you know? Ten fingers, and ten toes, and everything. It was so small. I was the first person the baby saw. You know, upside down.
Philip: Sounds like quite an experience, Will.
Will: It was. Well, I'm gonna go give Danny a call at the hospital. See how little Jackie Robinson Mitchell is doing, huh?

Will: Whoa, Aunt Viv, who is she? Man, she is all that. She's fine. She's one of The Fat Boys.

Geoffrey: No, no, don't, please. Please, don't shoot. [screams]
Hilary: What's going on in here? Oh, my God. Geoffrey, don't move. There's a dart on your forehead.
Geoffrey: Really? I hadn't noticed.
Ashley: Look, Carlton, Geoffrey's been shot.
Carlton: Cool.
Geoffrey: You people don't pay me enough for this.
Carlton: Quiet, Geoffrey, you're dead.
Geoffrey: Then you couldn't possibly feel me do this.

Will: Good, Aunt Vivian. Good, Aunt Vivian. Here, beg for a Scooby Snack. [barks]
Vivian: Cut it out. I'm trying to practice my breathing for Lamaze class.
Will: I don't know, Aunt Viv. Seem to me all that heavy breathing is what got you in this mess in the first place.
Vivian: Hey, hey, hey, hey.

Will: Mm, mm, mm.
Philip: And what's your problem?
Will: Oh, don't be trying to make up with me now. I'm all pregnant. My feet, my back, and stuff hurt, and you being all insensitive.

Will: Aunt Viv, it was a joke. You can't take a joke?
Vivian: Come on, Will. I'm gonna be doing all the work. All you have to do is cheer me on. Come on.
Will: Well, that's cool. [sings] Go, Vivian. Get busy, have a baby. See you later.

Vivian: Hi, Danny.
Danny: Hey, Viv.
Vivian: How are you?
Danny: Hey, you know, can you do me a favor? I have not seen my feet since Lent. Can you tell me, do my shoes match?
Vivian: Uh... No.
Danny: Damn.

Danny: Who's the designated hitter?
Vivian: This is my nephew.
Will: How you doing? I'm Will.
Danny: Danny Mitchell.
Will: So I guess your husband will be showing up any minute, huh?
Danny: No, he's in Mexico.
Will: Oh, on vacation?
Danny: No, on his secretary. But don't worry, he's not having a good time. I filled his thong with BenGay.
Will: Remind me to stay on your good side, Danny.