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31Quotes from ‘The VCR Illumination’

The Big Bang Theory: The VCR Illumination

1210. The VCR Illumination

Aired December 6, 2018

Sheldon and Amy are still down about their theory being disproven, but a VHS tape from Sheldon's past inspires him not to give up. Also, Bernadette turns into a pageant mom when she tries to help Wolowitz ace his Magic Castle audition.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: I have something that might help. It's-it's a recording of the only person whose opinion Sheldon actually respects.
Amy: Hawking? Feynman?
Leonard: No, himself.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: It's a pep talk he made when he was a kid. He gave it to me years ago and told me to save it for a real emergency.
Penny: What? You didn't break it out when he declared his room a sovereign nation and waged a trade war against us?
Leonard: His major export is talking. I didn't want that anyway.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Hey.
Sheldon: Hello.
Amy: "Fine with flags"?
Sheldon: Yes, flags, up there flapping around on poles. If you think about it, they're just the strippers of the emblem world.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Okay, all hooked up. Here we go. Oh, look how cute you were!
Sheldon: Amy, please, of course I was cute. Look how I turned out.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Why are you watching that?
Amy: I'm just looking to see if there's anything left of your speech.
Sheldon: It's not important. I remember everything I said.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: It was good, it just would've meant more coming from me.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Thanks, Dad. We're gonna give them hell.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Sheldon, I know you're upset about the paper, okay. I'm upset, too.
Sheldon: I mean, I was so sure we were right. Every fiber of my being felt like this was it. This was the one. How can I trust my instincts anymore?
Amy: Well, just because our theory was wrong, that doesn't mean you're wrong about everything.
Sheldon: Doesn't it? I've always thought I hated jazz, maybe I was wrong. Maybe it's great to hear all the notes at once. [music plays] I'm trying, I'm really trying!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Well, I got something that I think might cheer you up. It is the emergency pep talk you made when you were a kid.
Sheldon: Oh, that. I was saving it for the day they stop making Star Wars movies. I don't think that's ever gonna happen.

Quote from Sheldon

Young Sheldon: Hello, Sheldon.
Sheldon: Hello, Sheldon.
Young Sheldon: If you're watching this, I assume something bad has happened. Something unfortunate and unforeseen. Something that's making you question everything.
Sheldon: I'm so smart.

Quote from Sheldon

Young Sheldon: Now just to make sure it's really you watching this and not an imposter, what am I thinking of? On the count of three. One, two, three.
Sheldon: Robot monkey butler.
Young Sheldon: Robot monkey butler. Okay, good.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Why is it all in the living room?
Bernadette: Because I think The Great Howdini deserves to be a member of the Magic Castle.
Howard: That's sweet, but I'm not that guy anymore. I've outgrown it.
Bernadette: [holding up Howard's costume pants in front of him] Have you?

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, Sheldon and Amy are still pretty upset about their theory being disproved.
Leonard: So we have made a list of subjects for everyone to avoid.
Penny: Symmetry.
Leonard: Asymmetry.
Penny: Uh, SimCity, sounds too much like symmetry.
Leonard: That also applies to The Simpsons, Simba from The Lion King, and cymbals.
Penny: Russia or Russian in any context. The country, the dressing, the roulette.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: Uh, also no talk of Rocky IV.
Bernadette: Why Rocky IV?
Howard: Because he fights a Russian. I'm sorry about her.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What are you doing?
Sheldon: Eating, reading, watching television, listening to the radio. What does it look like I'm doing?
Amy: Is that asparagus? I thought you hate asparagus.
Sheldon: I thought so, too, but I also thought super-asymmetry was a good idea, so what else am I wrong about?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Oh, so now you're reevaluating every opinion you've ever had?
Sheldon: Yes. I am following the example of 17th century philosopher René Descartes.
He subjected all his beliefs to radical doubt so that he could build a bedrock belief and build his cognitive life back up on firm principles. [eating asparagus] Ugh! Still yucky, still yucky.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: Is that a VCR?
Howard: Yeah, Amy asked if we had one she could borrow and I just want to make sure it still works.
Bernadette: What's on the tape?
Howard: Not sure. I used to record a lot of Jeopardy! for my mom, but if I push play and you see some naked people-
Bernadette: Got it. "What is porn?"
Howard: Ooh, we were looking for "vintage '80s erotica," but I'll accept it.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Come on, you're a good magician.
Howard: Really? You always called magic dumb.
Bernadette: You can be good at something dumb.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: You know what, you should audition now.
Howard: It's fine. I don't need to be a member of the most elite magical society on the face of the earth.
Bernadette: Sounds like you still want it. And I don't want our kids to watch this tape one day and think their dad is a quitter.
Howard: Oh, we don't have to show it to them.
Bernadette: Oh, I'm definitely showing it to them.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: How long has it been since you've seen it?
Sheldon: Not since the day I recorded it. No, I had just watched Back to the Future II, where Marty McFly gets a glimpse of his future self and that got me thinking, the day may come where I needed my help, like they did with that movie. That was not great.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Is there anything I can do?
Sheldon: Yes. You can build me a time machine so I can go back and tell my younger self to give up, because nothing's gonna work out the way he wants.
Amy: I was thinking a nice cup of leaf soup.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Look, I know you still want this, and I can help you. All those pageants I did as a kid, I could teach you how to present yourself, connect with the judges, sabotage the competition.
Howard: Whoa, whoa, no one's sabotaging anybody.
Bernadette: Of course not. Little girls in ball gowns trip, it happens.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Trust me, I'm gonna be the pageant mom to you that my mom was to me.
Howard: I thought you hated your mom for making you do that.
Bernadette: More talk like that and you're not getting any dinner. Amazing how it all comes back.

Quote from Raj

Bernadette: All right. Don't be afraid to be brutally honest. Like my mom used to say when I was doing pageants, "Tears only make your eyes sparkle brighter."
Raj: That is both sad and true. Half my Instagram is after a good cry.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: Look, t-this might seem strange, but, uh, we thought it might help you get some closure if you had a chance to properly say good-bye to your paper.
Penny: Yeah, you know, we could say a few words, you could talk about what it meant to you and-and we could bury it somewhere.
Amy: You mean have a funeral for our theory?
Leonard: Yeah.
Sheldon: That's ridiculous.
Leonard: I thought so, too, but my mom thought it might work.
Sheldon: [perking up] Beverly thought it would help? We should try it.
Leonard: Wha-- How come when you thought it was my idea-
Sheldon: Leonard, please, this is not about you.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I guess we could bury it in the park.
Sheldon: Yeah, where dogs do their business and other dogs sniff that business? I don't think so.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: What would you like to do, Sheldon?
Sheldon: The only fitting send-off: a Viking funeral.
Leonard: You mean, like, push it out into a lake and shoot it with a flaming arrow?
Sheldon: This guy gets it.
Penny: How about a bathtub and a match?
Sheldon: How about a bathtub and a flaming arrow?
Amy: How about a bathtub, a match and an ice-cold Yoo-hoo after?
Sheldon: Sold.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Are you getting sick?
Howard: No, I have glitter in my nose.
Bernadette: Just your nose? Consider yourself lucky.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I'm not gonna audition.
Bernadette: Hey, I didn't raise a quitter.
Howard: You didn't raise me at all.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Hey, this isn't about me. I just wanted you to have your dream, and I wanted to control everything about how you looked and acted so that your victory was mine.
Howard: Well, that's honest.

Quote from Howard

Howard: But if I'm gonna go through with this, I have to do it my own way.
Bernadette: I respect that, and I'm glad that I helped lead you to this moment.
Howard: Stop trying to make this your victory!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I remember that game.
Amy: Did they win?
Sheldon: Oh, no. No, they lost so bad, the other team let one of their cheerleaders try to kick a field goal.
Amy: Well, that was a nice speech. Too bad it didn't work.
Sheldon: Maybe it did.
Amy: What do you mean?
Sheldon: I've been acting like the game is over, but it's only halftime. And there's a lot more physics left to play.
Amy: Wow, was that your first ever sports metaphor?
Sheldon: It was. And I think it was a home run. That's two.


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