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‘The Separation Agitation’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Separation Agitation

1021. The Separation Agitation

Aired April 13, 2017

Howard and Bernadette struggle to leave Halley in day care when Bernadette's maternity leave is over. Meanwhile, when Bert introduces the guys to his new girlfriend, Rebecca, they question her motives.

Quote from Amy

Raj: Sheldon, what did Amy have that attracted you?
Sheldon: Oh, so many things. Her mind, her kindness, and especially her body.
Raj: Really?
Amy: Relax. We're the same blood type. He knew he could harvest an organ.

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Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Where's Howard?
Raj: He took the day off.
Sheldon: Oh, let's take advantage of his absence and tell the kinds of jokes only physicists get. I'll go first.
Okay, here. Uh, Heisenberg is pulled over by a police officer. And the policeman says, "Did you know you were going 85 miles per hour?" And Heisenberg says, "Darn it, now I don't know where I am."

Quote from Howard

Howard: Should we get lunch or you want to eat at the zoo?
*Bernadette and Stuart staring at their phones*
Howard: (imitating Bernadette):"Oh, Howie, I don't need food as long as I can look at my phone."
Bernadette: I don't like when you imitate me.
Howard: You want to hear my Stuart? (imitating Stuart) "It's been a while since I've gone on a date.
You mind if we watch the monkeys doing it?"
Stuart: I said that to you in confidence.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: How about after this we go see the exotic bird show?
Stuart: Not a good idea. My hair is a coveted nesting material.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Learning anything?
Bernadette: Well, sloth babies cling to their mothers' bodies for almost a year. I'm going back to work after only four months. So, I've learned I hate myself, I hate sloths, and I hate you for bringing me here.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: What are you making?
Stuart: Chicken. Birds mess with my hair, I come back hard.

Quote from Amy

Penny: So, Bert, you were telling us how you updated your profile?
Bert: Right. I wasn't getting any responses, and then I added, "Recent $625,000 MacArthur grant winner", and five minutes later, I met my soul mate.
*Amy goes to the hallway*
Amy: I was wrong. You can come back in.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I'd love a personal trainer. I haven't seen my abs since they opened a Shake Shack on my drive home.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Who's ready to laugh?
Leonard: (groans)
Sheldon: Okay. So Feynman, Einstein and Schrodinger walk into a bar. Feynman says, "It appears we're inside a joke." Einstein replies, "But only to an observer who saw us walk in simultaneously." To which Schrodinger says, "If someone's looking in the window, I'm leaving."
Leonard: (chuckles) That's actually funny.
Raj: You should send that to Jimmy Fallon.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: What are you doing here?
Stuart: Can't a guy hang out at a college he doesn't go to and stare at a baby that isn't his?

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: What are you looking at?
Sheldon: Comments from our Behind the Flags retrospective. Get this, people are calling it "the longest one yet".

Quote from Sheldon

Bert: Sorry again for barging in.
Leonard: You don't have to go. You're welcome to hang with us.
Sheldon: Actually, our friendship group is at capacity. But if anybody drops out, you're at the top of the list. Unless it's Raj, in which case, we'll probably get a person of color.

Quote from Raj

(Howard and Raj sing while playing the keyboards and guitar, respectively)
Howard: Wondering how it all began?
Raj: You'll need a good attention span-
Howard: For information and entertainment-
Raj: That's equally effective-
Both: It's Fun with Flags - Behind the Flags: A Retrospective. Flags!

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Now, I'm sure many of you are wondering how Fun with Flags began.
Sheldon: So let's hear from some people who were there at the very start. Howard, flashback sounds.
Amy: Could have played that on my harp.
Sheldon: Just roll the clip.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: So tell us in your own words about that magical moment when Fun with Flags was born.
Leonard: I honestly don't remember.
Sheldon: Sure you do. I was telling you both the story about how Haiti and Lichtenstein discovered they had the same flag. It was at the Summer Olympics of 1936, and two plucky nations-
Penny: Oh, wait. I remember.
Sheldon: Oh, and do you remember what you said?
Penny: Yes. "Please find someone who cares."
*cut back to Sheldon and Amy in the "studio"*
Sheldon: And that's exactly what I did. I found a lot of someones.
Amy: Almost 200. Many of them on purpose.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: I haven't had much success meeting people online.
Bert: I didn't either, until I revamped my profile.
Sheldon: What'd you do, delete your photo?
Amy: Go.
Sheldon: Fine.
Amy: And don't you slam that door.
Sheldon: Aw, man.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I'm sorry, Bert, but aren't you worried she's only with you for your money?
Bert: She better be. On our first date, I bought her an 80-inch flat-screen.
Sheldon: Your first date? Did you even measure her walls?

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Hey, sorry if last night was awkward.
Bert: Actually, it got me thinking that I shouldn't flaunt my money to find love. I might break up with Rebecca.
Leonard: Wow, that's a big step.
Raj: I think it shows a lot of character.
Bert: I'm gonna hold out and see if I can find a hot young blonde who likes me for me.
Sheldon: (laughs) That's a good one. Okay, now, Leonard, you tell a joke.


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