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‘The Procreation Calculation’ Quotes Page 1 of 2

The Big Bang Theory: The Procreation Calculation

1203. The Procreation Calculation

Aired October 4, 2018

The Wolowitzes' life gets complicated when Stuart starts bringing his new girlfriend home. Also, Penny and Leonard talk about starting a family while Koothrappali explores an arranged marriage.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Hey. Wait a minute, what about us? I mean, we're married now. Maybe we want to buy the house next door.
Sheldon: Well, Amy, we can't move. I'd have to change all the tags in my underwear.
Amy: You can buy new ones.
Sheldon: New house, new underwear. What am I, in the Witness Protection Program?

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Quote from Sheldon

Amy: You're really letting your father pick out a wife?
Raj: Why not? Arranged marriages have been working for thousands of years. Anu and I come from similar backgrounds, our families get along and we each filled out questionnaires, so we know we're not wasting our time with someone who's not compatible.
Penny: Oh, that sounds so dry and clinical.
Sheldon: You lucky duck.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Enjoying your book?
Bernadette: So much.
Howard: Why do you keep poking at it?
Bernadette: Fine, I'm shopping on my phone.
Howard: You're the one who said you wanted to read more.
Bernadette: Yes, I also tell people I only feed the kids organic. It's just stuff you say.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Next question. Uh, "how close are you with your family?"
Penny: Pretty close.
Leonard: I'm gonna say not too close, but I'm hoping to get farther.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: "How are you with pets?" Well, I did take care of Sheldon for 15 years, and he only bit me twice.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: You know, not everyone needs to have kids to be fulfilled.
Bernadette: You're right, you've got Leonard. What more do you need?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Well, I, for one, applaud Raj's decision to forgo emotional attachment and find a life partner by bowing to a 3,000-year-old authoritarian tradition.
Leonard: What are you talking about? You married a woman you're in love with.
Sheldon: I can't believe you're throwing that back in my face.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You're awfully quiet.
Leonard: Sorry.
Sheldon: No, I like it.
Leonard: Got a lot on my mind.
Sheldon: Would you like to talk about it?
Leonard: Not really.
Sheldon: Grape Nuts for breakfast, quiet car ride, things are really breaking my way today.

Quote from Penny

Howard: Guys, so what do you think?
Leonard: Well, I don't know, we're pretty happy here.
Penny: Yeah. Plus, if we moved, we'd probably just get a loft downtown.
Leonard: Really? I always figured we'd get a place with a yard.
Penny: Oh, sure, yeah, that makes sense, so you could shoot hoops and mow the lawn?

Quote from Penny

Leonard: I just don't think you can truly know someone until you've spent a lot of time with them.
Raj: Really? What's Penny's dream vacation?
Leonard: Uh, Malibu beach house.
Penny: That's Barbie's dream vacation. Maybe you should send us that questionnaire.

Quote from Bernadette

Stuart: Uh, what are you guys up to?
Howard: Reading.
Denise: Oh, nice, I wish I read more.
Bernadette: Well, if it's important, you find the time.

Quote from Howard

Bernadette: No, with them in his room, doing stuff.
Howard: Oh, come on, we're sitting right out here. They're not gonna do anything.
["Smooth Operator" starts playing loudly in Stuart's room]
I'd like to change my answer.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Wow, you really are good at this.
Leonard: Well, I've spent a lot of time painting D&D miniatures. I know that makes you want to rip my shirt off, but wait until your nails are dry.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: He sent us that Indian marriage questionnaire.
Penny: Ooh, read one.
Leonard: Okay. "How religious are you?" That's easy, both of us: not at all.
Penny: No, I wouldn't say not at all. I mean, I am pretty spiritual. I do go to yoga, so...
Leonard: Great, so your church is Our Lady of the Stretchy Pants.

Quote from Raj

Raj: I get it. You know, um, I used to have a long list of what I wanted from a wife.
Uh, eyes like Sandra Bullock, hair like Sandra Bullock, and the bravery of Ryan Stone.
That's Sandra Bullock's character in Gravity. But now, I just want someone nice.

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