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‘The Plagiarism Schism’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Plagiarism Schism

1221. The Plagiarism Schism

Aired May 2, 2019

Kripke has proof that Dr. Pemberton plagiarized his thesis in college, and Sheldon and Amy aren't sure if they should turn him in or not. Also, Wolowitz is happily surprised to learn that Bernadette wasn't the only waitress at the Cheesecake Factory who had a crush on him back in the day.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Are you all right? You seem distracted.
Amy: Yeah, sorry. I'm just trying to figure something out.
Sheldon: Is it what to get me for our anniversary? 'Cause I'll give you a hint: it's already in my Amazon basket. Just click "buy now." I filled out the gift card for you. Apparently, I'm the light of your life.


Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So I was talking to my mom about our Pemberton and Campbell situation.
Amy: Really? What'd she say?
Sheldon: Apparently, Old Testament God would bring down his wrath on them for being deceitful, but New Testament God would forgive them.
Amy: So couldn't we just bring down our wrath and ask the New Testament God to forgive us?
Sheldon: You know, I asked her that very question.
Amy: And?
Sheldon: She said I was full of California sass.

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: So what's the worst thing you've ever done to get something you wanted?
Bernadette: I'm not gonna tell you that.
Howard: Oh, come on. I'll tell you mine.
Bernadette: Right, 'cause yours is gonna be as bad as mine. Okay. [chuckles]

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That was my iced tea.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: So, obviously, I'm really sorry about my outburst. Calling you frauds was unacceptable. I feel terrible about it.
Sheldon: It has caused her a lot of stress. She chewed through her night guard like it was a piece of jerky.

Quote from Sheldon

Dr. Campbell: Yes, obviously, you're angry at all the attention we're getting for our discovery and you're lashing out.
Sheldon: Well, uh, technically, she lashed out. I contained myself, which I don't think I'm getting enough credit for.

Quote from Amy

Dr. Pemberton: The point is we should take it as a compliment that even you guys think we will win the Nobel Prize.
Amy: Uh, no, we-we certainly do not think that.
Sheldon: The Nobel Committee will realize that we came up with this theory.
Dr. Campbell: But we proved it.
Amy: By accident.
Dr. Pemberton: All breakthroughs happen by accident.
Amy: No, they don't!

Quote from Sheldon

President Siebert: Look, the Nobel Committee doesn't like infighting, so if the four of you don't stop sniping at each other, the award's gonna go to someone else entirely.
Amy: He's right. You know, like it or not, we can't avoid each other. Let's at least try to be civil.
Drs. Campbell: Agreed. You know, when you think about it, we're linked together the same way that super-asymmetry links together every atom in the universe.
Dr. Pemberton: Hmm.
Amy: That's not what it does at all!
Dr. Pemberton: Well, that's the great thing about science. We all get to have our own opinions.
Sheldon: I'm still not talking. That's impressive, right?

Quote from Bernadette

Howard: Quick question: Does it happen to do with online tastes that might or might not reflect their real-life tastes?
Bernadette: I know all about your tall girl website. It goes on our credit card.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Ugh, why is this decision so hard?
Raj: Maybe because you want to win, but deep down you know it's not the honorable way to do it. Otherwise, you would've done it already.
Amy: That's really wise.
Sheldon: Yes, but it may just be the Indian accent.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Do you think by not exposing Pemberton we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: Of course. Unless you think we're not doing the right thing.
Amy: Why would you think that I don't think we're doing the right thing?
Sheldon: You might think that if good people hold themselves to unrealistically high ethical standards, then they might lose out to their unscrupulous competitors.
Amy: Is that what you think?
Sheldon: No. No, I just thought if you thought we weren't doing the right thing, that's why you might think that.
Amy: Well, if I did think that, you might point out that people who claim it's okay to do bad things to win are bad people no matter what they tell themselves.
Sheldon: And I'd be right to point that out.
Amy: Because you're a good person.
Sheldon: I love talking to you. It's like talking to me, but with a girl voice.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Can't believe it. Sheldon loves telling on people when they break the rules.
Penny: Yeah, well, maybe he's changed.
Leonard: He hasn't changed. Last week, when the vending machine gave me two bags of chips, he called my mom.
Penny: Well, that didn't ruin your life.
Leonard: Well, it ruined my day. I had to talk to my mom, who, by the way, is-is polyamorous now, so that's fun to think about.

Quote from Penny

Amy: Your husband was acting kind of weird today.
Penny: You sure you're not thinking about your husband?
Amy: No. He was acting all sketchy. Almost like he was guilty or something.
Penny: Oh. Well, that doesn't mean anything. I mean, Leonard has resting guilt face.
Yeah, it's- It's like, "What are you guilty about, Leonard?" "Nothing." "Well, then, tell it to your face." [scoffs]

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: I mean, it's sweet that you want to help, but we don't want you compromising your integrity for us.
Sheldon: Wait, what- Really? I thought we were just worried about looking bad.
Amy: It could be both.
Sheldon: Okay. But I'm gonna go with my reason. Yours is too complicated.

Quote from Howard

Howard: Listen, I did something kind of stupid today.
Bernadette: Okay.
Howard: I went to The Cheesecake Factory to try to figure out who that waitress was.
Bernadette: Howie.
Howard: Don't worry, I didn't find out, because I realized I didn't even care. While I was there, I started asking myself, "Why does this mean anything to me?" And I guess the truth is it was all about my vanity. And why should I need to be validated by another woman liking me when the best woman in the world already loves me? And I just wanted you to know that. [chuckles]
Bernadette: The restaurant manager already called. You really creeped a lot of people out.
Howard: And I regret that. [chuckles] Because the only woman I want to creep out is the mother of my children.
Bernadette: Well, you're off to a good start.

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