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18Quotes from ‘The Parking Spot Escalation’

The Big Bang Theory: The Parking Spot Escalation

609. The Parking Spot Escalation

Aired November 29, 2012

When Howard buys a new car, the university gives him Sheldon's parking spot, sparking outrage from Sheldon. An escalating war between Howard and Sheldon affects the whole gang.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Gosh, Amy. I'm sensing a little hostility. Is it maybe because like Sheldon's work, your sex life is also theoretical?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Are you listening to yourself?
Sheldon: I always listen to myself. It's one of the great joys of my life.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know what they say. Revenge is a dish best served nude.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Sheldon, some day, if you get a car, I'm sure they'll give you another parking space.
Sheldon: I don't want another parking space. I want my parking space. It's perfect. It's a corner spot, cutting the risk of door-dings in half. It's a mere 28 steps from the building entrance. The nearby tree provides shade on hot days and is also home to a delightful squirrel. Which is fortuitous because most squirrels are real jerks.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard, make Howard stop being naked in my spot!

Quote from Penny

Penny: You know, I remember my first bikini wax. My sister did it with duct tape and melted Crayolas. To this day, I can't look at a box of crayons without crossing my legs.

Quote from Sheldon

(Howard's car horn blares)
(Sheldon puts his headphones on)
Howard: Those aren't going to help you, Sheldon!
Sheldon: Oh yes, they are. I mean, what?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Your threats are empty. Nothing can move me.
(Howard drives his car slowly towards Sheldon, pushing his chair forward)
Sheldon: That's it! I'm calling campus security! You prepare for the scolding of your life!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: The tow truck didn't scratch your car.
Amy: How do you know?
Bernadette: 'cause I did it!

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: That's my parking spot.
Raj: Why do you have a parking spot? You don't have a car. You don't even drive.
Leonard: Maybe they reassigned it because you never use it.
Sheldon: Well, I'm not using my nipples either. Maybe they should reassign those.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: What are you doing?
Wolowitz: Well, he wasn't using it, and I needed some cool leather to wiggle my naked ass on.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Well, at least when we do make love, Sheldon won't be thinking about his mother. And yes, that is a cleverly veiled reference to Howard's lifelong obsession to crawl back into her spacious womb.

Quote from Sheldon

Leonard: All right, you brought this on yourself. Sheldon, get him.
Sheldon: If a zombie bites you, you turn into a zombie. However, if a mummy bites you, all you turn into is some schmo with a mummy bite. So, like a zombie that's been eaten from the waist down, you, sir, have no leg to stand on.

Quote from Penny

Bernadette: More coffee?
Penny: No, Leonard's taking me to a physics lecture, and coffee'll just keep me awake.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Get away from me or I swear to God I will rip out what's left of your pubes!

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: He can't handle the fact that I'm a bigger deal than he is now.
Sheldon: Oh, preposterous. I have been solely responsible for this university's six loop quantum gravity calculations, I have changed the way we think about Bose-Einsten condensates, and I am also the one who got Nutter Butters in the cafeteria vending machine. Maybe you missed that news while you were floating around like a goof in outer space.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Well, Howard's never gonna go to space again, but Sheldon will always be a genius.
Bernadette: You're right. And, I'm sure Sheldon will get a fancy parking spot again if and when he makes a worthwhile contribution to science.
Amy: If and when?

Quote from Leonard

Howard: (Slams his car door) Will you please talk some sense into your lunatic roommate?
Leonard: You're both acting like lunatics!


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