‘The Pants Alternative’ Quotes
318. The Pants Alternative
Aired March 22, 2010
When Sheldon receives an award, his fear of public speaking threatens to derail his achievement, so the gang tries to help him overcome his fears.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: A neutron walks into a bar and asks how much for a drink. The bartender replies "for you, no charge".
Quote from Sheldon
Penny: So what do you say Sheldon, are we your X-men?
Sheldon: No, the X-men were named for the X in Charles Xavier. Since I am Sheldon Cooper, you will be my C-men.
Quote from Howard
Sheldon: I see. I assume since the rest of you have set the bar so low, you're saving the most impressive contribution for last. Go on Howard, dazzle me.
Howard: Well, my power is the ability to pretend like I give a damn about your piddly-ass problem. And that's 24/7 buddy.
Quote from Howard
Wolowitz: Well no, you're mistaken. You give speeches all the time. What you can't do is shut up.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: I recently had a dream that I was a giant. But everything around me was to scale so it all looked normal.
Leonard: Well, how did you know you were a giant if everything was to scale?
Sheldon: I was wearing size a million pants.
Quote from Sheldon
Shedlon: People of Sheldonopolis, this is your mayor. Follow me. If the children can’t run, leave them behind. Oh, the simulated horror!
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Hello, I know you're out there. I can hear you metabolizing oxygen and expelling carbon dioxide.
Quote from Leonard
Sheldon: Where are my pants?
Leonard: You might wanna check out YouTube.
Quote from Raj
Raj: These methods of meditation come from the ancient gurus of India, and have helped me overcome my own fears.
Sheldon: And yet, you can't speak to women.
Raj: True, but thanks to it I am able to stay in the same room with them without urinating.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Now to the astronomers in the audience, get ready to see the dark side of the moon. Now here's Uranus!
Quote from Raj
Rajesh:So in Avatar, they have sex on Pandora by linking their ponytails. So their ponytails...are like their junk.
Wolowitz:Yeah, so?
Rajesh: Well when they ride the horses and birds they link their ponytails, too.
Wolowitz: What's your point?
Rajesh: My point is, if I were a horse or a bird I'd be really nervous around James Cameron.
Quote from Leonard
Sheldon: Oh Lord, this can't be more humiliating.
Leonard: No, no, no, give him a minute.
Quote from Sheldon
Sheldon: Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side. Bazinga!
Quote from Leonard
Sheldon: What self-important preening fraud are they honoring this year?
Leonard: I'm so glad you asked it like that. You!
Quote from Sheldon
Raj: You own the damn thing, just take a freaking sweater.
Sheldon: I didn't turn a profit last quarter by taking product off the shelves willy-nilly.
Quote from Howard
Howard: The one thing the William Shatner of theoretical physics needed was an ego boost.
Quote from Penny
Sheldon: This alcohol is not working, I still feel dizzy.
Penny: Here, try this one.
Quote from Howard
Howard: Raj says he can teach you - what do call it? (Raj repeats it to him again.) Uh, I don't know some Indian meditation crap.