TV Quotes

President Siebert: Well, this is nice. Why have we waited so long to do this?
Sheldon: Because you never invited us.
President Siebert: Ha-ha-ha! Well, the important thing is you're here now, and we're so excited about your work. This paper's going to do big things for all of us, so if there's anything that you need You know, actually, I could use some barbecue sauce for my tots. Oh, wait. No. Ketchup.
President Siebert: Can we have some barbecue sauce and ketchup over here?
Sheldon: Both? So this is how the other half lives.

Sheldon: Now, wait, wait, are you trying to exclude me?
President Siebert: Look, Sheldon, you're a brilliant man, but your people skills are-
Sheldon: This is not barbecue sauce! This is steak sauce! What are you trying to pull?
President Siebert: Like that.
Sheldon: This is ridiculous. It is my work, too, and I am perfectly capable of keeping it together for an interview.
President Siebert: Okay. Say somebody asks if you feel your work is derivative of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski.
[Sheldon's face starts twitching violently]
Amy: Seriously, can we get this man some barbecue sauce!?

Stuart: Would you mind stocking these?
Denise: Actually, I'm not on the clock today. I'm just hanging out with my boyfriend.
Stuart: Ah, cool. Huh. That's me, right?
Denise: Oh, I forgot to tell you, I broke up with you, and now I'm dating that guy.
Stuart: I know you're joking, but my flight-or-flight response doesn't.
Denise: Isn't it fight-or-flight?
Stuart: Not for me.

Leonard: What is up with you two?
Stuart: Well, it's kind of hard to explain. Uh, you know when things are going great, but you worry that any minute you might screw everything up?
Penny: No.
Leonard: Yes. If you really like her, you can't let fear get in the way. You have to move forward.
Stuart: And at a certain point, the fear of losing her goes away?
Leonard: I will let you know.

Interviewer: I'm about to start recording. Are you guys ready?
Amy: Sheldon, are you ready?
Sheldon: Absolutely.
Interviewer: Great. So, Dr. Cooper, my first question is for you.
Sheldon: Oh, goody.
Interviewer: Would you say that your paper is an extension of the work of Professor Joseph Polchinski?
Sheldon: ... I'll be in the car.

Penny: Champagne, a champagne, a champagne with a packet of Splenda in it.
Sheldon: You know what I call this drink?
Penny: A waste of champagne?
Sheldon: No. A Dr. Cooper. Because-
Amy: He's also sweet and bubbly.
Leonard: All right.

Leonard: A toast to Sheldon and Amy and the publication of your super-asymmetry paper. We are so proud of you guys. Cheers.
Amy: Thanks.
Sheldon: Ooh! That is PhD-licious.

Leonard: Hey, Penny and I were thinking of getting a big paintball game together.
Howard: Oh, Leonard, why does she want to shoot you?
Leonard: She doesn't want to shoot me.
Raj: Who doesn't want to shoot you?
Leonard: Penny.
Raj: No, that doesn't sound right.

Leonard: She just wants to play paintball. It combines my love of whimsy with her love of making grown men cry.

Howard: Sounds fun. Bernadette and I are in.
Raj: You don't need to ask her?
Howard: No. I've been pretty annoying lately. She's gonna want to shoot me.

President Siebert: You should join me in my private dining room. Dr. Fowler is already there.
Sheldon: Can I bring my friends?
President Siebert: No.
Sheldon: Can I bring my tater tots?
President Siebert: Yes.
Sheldon: All right, let's go.

Amy: Sheldon, look at my fruit plate. It's got kiwi on it.
Sheldon: Ugh. I don't like kiwi.
Amy: Neither do I, but it's so fancy.

Anu: So I told my mom she just needed to back off. This is our wedding, and if anyone's gonna design the floral arrangements, it's going to be my man.
Raj: Thank you. I mean, I'm not trying to be a groomzilla, but this is my specialty.

Anu: Someone texting you?
Raj: Uh, no. It's just my, uh, doorbell camera.
Anu: Oh. I got one of those for my place, but I never installed it.
Raj: Oh, it's easy. I can do it for you. You're gonna love it. It's how I found out a raccoon was stealing my cheese-of-the-month club.
Anu: What did you do?
Raj: Nothing. I didn't want to piss it off. It was, like, huge from eating all the cheese.

Amy: Sheldon, I'm nervous, and I wish you were coming with me.
Sheldon: If it helps, I wrote up some possible questions and answers for you.
Amy: "Whom do you love more, "Sheldon the scientist or Sheldon the man? Answer: Sheldon the scientist, but by such a slim margin that it's statistically insignificant." Well, you really managed to capture my voice.