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‘The Mommy Observation’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Mommy Observation

718. The Mommy Observation

Aired March 13, 2014

When Sheldon stops by his mom's house in Texas, he must learn to deal with her new romantic status. Meanwhile, Raj throws a Murder Mystery party for the gang.

Quote from Bernadette

Leonard: You don't go into science for the money.
Bernadette: Speak for yourself. Last month my company both invented and cured restless eye syndrome. Ka-ching, ya blinky chumps!

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Quote from Amy

Raj: It's too late. He's been murdered by someone in this room. Welcome to another classic Koothrappali murder mystery dinner.
Amy: I'm leaving.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Aren't you gonna come with me?
Howard: While you confront your mother about her sex life? I'd rather go back to that bar in assless chaps.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I am a grown man. I am a professional scientist. And I currently occupy the moral high ground.
Mary: Go to your room.
Sheldon: But I occupy the moral high ground.
Mary: Go to your room.
Sheldon: But I'm a professional scientist.
Mary: Go to your room!
Sheldon: *Backs away to his room* I'm a grown man.

Quote from Howard

Howard: It was an hour ago, Sheldon. A Jew sits in front of a house in Texas for that long, for sale signs start to go up.

Quote from Bernadette

Raj: Have you heard from Howard?
Bernadette: I did. His talk at NASA went great.
Penny: Sheldon didn't heckle him?
Bernadette: No. In fact, he was so well behaved Howard bought him a Buzz Aldrin bobblehead and astronaut ice cream.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I told Howard if I wasn't busy I'd spend the night at his mom's. So for God's sake, think of something.

Quote from Stuart

Penny: You really going to lie on the floor and pretend to be dead all night?
Stuart: What do you think I was going to do at home?

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Okay, give me the flowers and pie.
Sheldon: But if we show up and you're holding them, she'll think they're only from you.
Howard: They are only from me. You said the gift of you was enough.
Sheldon: Yes, but now that I've seen what the gift of me with flowers and pie looks like there's no going back.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I beg to differ. I used to live in those genitals. If someone wants to move into my old room, I should at least get a vote.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You may have a point. I love my mother. Even if she fornicates like a demonic weasel.

Quote from Howard

Howard: I was going to say we pick up a cake or a pie, but an insult to her faith is always thoughtful.

Quote from Raj

Leonard: I've seen old pictures of you. You were never a fat kid.
Raj: No, I was svelte as a gazelle. A gazelle blessed with a flair for storytelling.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: And of those few months, how long have you been a demented sex pervert?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: My point is you're going to need to be careful. You used to be protected by your pre-enlightenment mythology. But now you're going to need a stronger friend, named latex.
Mary: Are you having the sex talk with me?
Sheldon: Well someone has to.
Mary: Oh, dear Lord.
Sheldon: No, don't look to him. He's mad at you right now.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I saw my mommy with a naked man and she was trying to be a mommy again.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Hey, can I go to the bathroom?
Raj: Fine, just try not to look too alive.
Stuart: That's my jam.

Quote from Amy

Amy: Hey, I won the Nobel Prize in physiology. Then I used the money to buy Stuart's comic store and close it down, so Sheldon would pay attention to me. ... Not the worst idea.

Quote from Penny

Stuart: How's it going?
Raj: Good. Sheldon's out of town so we can do whatever we want. We even ordered from the Thai place he doesn't like.
Stuart: How is it?
Penny: Disgusting. Do not tell him.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: Oh, Stuart. Now I kinda feel bad for murdering you.
Raj: Oh, come on!
Bernadette: Penny did it! I win! Suck it, jackasses!

Quote from Amy

Raj: You can't leave. You're a murder suspect in the mysterious death of Stuart Bloom.
Bernadette: I didn't know his last name was Bloom.
Amy: Yeah, it's Bloom.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Got it. Hey, who's the murderer?
Raj: Any question but that.
Penny: Sorry. Hey, who's not the murderer?

Quote from Amy

Amy: Actually, our relationship agreement covers a wide array of scenarios. Including career changes, financial instability, intelligent dog uprising. FYI, we plan on selling out the human race hard.

Quote from Sheldon

Howard: Anyway, she broke up with him and she's basically been alone ever since. She never said it, but I always felt I was the reason why.
Sheldon: I'm sorry. Although, based on your story, you absolutely were the reason why.

Quote from Amy

Amy: It actually was kinda fun.
Raj: You're just saying that.
Amy: Yeah.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: How can we ever hope to have a healthy relationship if I don't tell her how disappointed I am and how I'll never forgive her.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Well, my beer isn't flat and my rack's not saggy, so far the future's great.

Quote from Amy

Amy: I think it might be fun to be someone else tonight.
Raj: Actually, you're all just going to be yourselves.
Amy: Oh, uck.


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