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‘The Matrimonial Metric’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Matrimonial Metric

1112. The Matrimonial Metric

Aired January 4, 2018

When Sheldon and Amy put their friends through a series of secret experiments to determine who should be their best man and maid of honor, Penny's true feelings about Amy are revealed.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: My mother is pushing for my brother, Georgie, to be my best man, and I hate to disappoint her again. I already rejected her savior and her LinkedIn invitation.

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Quote from Sheldon

Howard: She's actually been keeping herself busy doing wedding research for you.
Amy: Oh, she-she doesn't have to do that.
Howard: She wants to. After all, you were her maid of honor.
Amy: Sheldon, tell your funny story about pretzels.
Sheldon: Oh, right. Yeah, oh, yeah. Did you know that we've been thinking of having pretzels at our wedding? Hmm? No, no. No, no, no, no, no. I'm sorry. No, rhinos. We're having rhinos at our wedding.
No! (stammers) I got to go.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: I'm gonna need some help. Someone baby-proofed the front door.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Okay, I'll use real people. Um, if a certain dog-like loyalty is useful, then it's Leonard, hmm? If, uh, having a PEZ dispenser filled with TUMS is an advantage, Wolowitz, yeah. If a best man with fake testicles hanging from his truck is important, well, then, my brother's back in the running.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: He means he's writing a book.
Leonard: I do. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. Yeah. It's about a brilliant physicist who solves crimes using science.
Sheldon: Oh, Leonard-
Leonard: It's not about you.
Sheldon: He probably has to say that for legal reasons.

Quote from Penny

Penny: What did you need the kit for?
Amy: Oh, um Sh-Sheldon was squatting down to pick up a fork and he ripped his pants.
Penny: Oh, someone's gonna be sore tomorrow.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Penny gets 20 points for the sewing kit.
Sheldon: Yeah, minus five, because this is mine.

Quote from Amy

Sheldon: Did Bernadette even try to send us a sewing kit?
Amy: She did. Amazon, standard shipping, not even Prime.
Sheldon: (gasps) We could've done that ourselves.
Amy: (chuckles) That's what she said.

Quote from Sheldon

Amy: Okay, what's the next test?
Sheldon: Loyalty. We need to choose someone who has our backs, someone who will keep our secrets even from each other.
Amy: Well, I don't have any secrets from you. Do you have secrets from me?
Sheldon: Yes. Oh, that has been weighing on me for years.

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Leonard, quick. I need you to get me to Arcadia within the hour. The train store's having a sale.
Leonard: Why can't Amy drive you?
Sheldon: Because of the tradition that I cannot see Amy on the day of the train store sale.
Leonard: Please, please see a doctor.

Quote from Amy

Amy: So I was talking to my favorite aunt-
Penny: Aunt Doe, right?
Amy: Exactly.
Penny: Did she ever figure out what that thing on her knee was?
Amy: Turns out it was a chocolate chip.
Penny: Hmm. Makes sense, she does like to bake.
Amy: Yes, she does. Damn, you are a thoroughbred.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Howard, I've had my eye on this limited edition Swamp Thing, but now that I'm about to buy it, I'm having second thoughts. What do you think?
Howard: I don't know, Sheldon, it's pretty expensive.
Sheldon: Yes, but what if it will make me happy, you know, waking up and seeing it every morning for the rest of my life?
Howard: Really, a walking clump of swamp grass?
Sheldon: Yeah, well, Bernadette's no prize either!

Quote from Raj

Penny: Yeah, and Amy gave me this plastic ring and told me to hold on to it.
Howard: I got one, too.
Leonard: Yeah, same.
Raj: Yeah, me, too. But-but Cinnamon ate it. I-I'll get it back tomorrow.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: You're still working on Sheldon's dumb brain teaser?
Leonard: Oh, my God, Dr. Purple's a woman! Of course! Oh, that feels so good.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: You picked Stuart over one of us?
Sheldon: Well, I wanted to choose one of you, but you all turned against me.
Howard: Picking a best man isn't about keeping score.
Sheldon: But you're all my friends. I mean, if I didn't collect data, how could I possibly choose among the three of you?
Raj: Well, that's actually kind of sweet.
Sheldon: Is it? Well, then, perhaps I said it wrong.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Look, this is your wedding, just pick whoever you want. You don't need to worry about anyone else but yourself. You've kind of been training for this your whole life.

Quote from Penny

Leonard: And Amy's your best friend. I'm sure she'll come to her senses and pick you.
Penny: Okay, she's not my best friend. We're not 12. If she wants Bernadette to be her maid of honor, I really don't care.
Leonard: Sounds like you care.
Penny: No, I mean, it-it's just annoying. You know, we talk every day. We see each other all the time. She's always there for me, and basically-- oh, my God, Amy's my best friend.
Leonard: You okay?
Penny: No, my best friend didn't ask me to be her maid of honor. I'm pissed!

Quote from Amy

Penny: Look, I know this is your wedding, and you can do whatever you want, but if you think anyone but me is gonna be your maid of honor, then you're an idiot because you are my best friend.
Howard: Too late, Bernade-
Amy: (pushes Howard out of the way, rushes to hug Penny) Bestie!


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