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‘The Line Substitution Solution’ Quotes

The Big Bang Theory: The Line Substitution Solution

923. The Line Substitution Solution

Aired May 5, 2016

Sheldon hires Stuart to spend the day with Amy when he'd rather go to a movie screening. Also, Leonard's mother, Beverly, comes to town and Penny struggles to make a connection with her.

Quote from Howard

Leonard: When's the screening?
Raj: Uh, it's tonight, but it's first-come, first-served, so we should probably get there early and wait in line.
Howard: Let's do it.
Leonard: Penny's busy with my mother, so Im in.
Sheldon: Oh, bad news. Amy's making me go shopping with her later, so looks like none of us can go.
Leonard: You do realize were allowed to have fun without you?
Howard: In fact, that's usually the trick to it.

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Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: *Knock, knock, knock* Amy. *Knock, knock, knock* Amy. *Knock, knock, knock* Amy.
Amy: Come in.
Sheldon: Hello, everyone. Oh, Beverly, good to see you. I'd love to chat, but there's a line that could start moving any minute, so let's do this. Amy? A proper apology requires three steps. Step one, an admission of wrongdoing. Amy, I was wrong. Step two, a promise never to repeat said action. Amy, that action will never be repeated, and that's a promise. Step three, an earnest request for forgiveness. Amy, I hope you can forgive me. And I hope you do it right now, 'cause there's an Uber waiting downstairs, and I don't want to repeat this apology nonsense with my driver Ganesh.
Amy: Fine.
Sheldon: Oh, thanks, you're a peach. Beverly, we'll catch up soon. Bernadette, it was a pleasure as always. Penny, you have spinach in your teeth.

Quote from Sheldon

Penny: Helium.
Sheldon: Yes.
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: Taylor Swift.
Penny: Yes. Pi.
Sheldon: Yes. Kardashian.
Penny: More specific.
Sheldon: Khloe?
Penny: Yes.
Sheldon: See, I remembered because if it looks like Kim it's Kim, if it looks kind of like Kim it's Kourtney, and if it looks nothing like Kim it's Khloe.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Oh, that's a Venn Diagram, and I remember because I thought to myself, "Venn is he gonna stop talking about this diagram?"

Quote from Stuart

Amy: What are you doing here? You're not Sheldon.
Stuart: I thought that might come up. Sheldon hired me to go shopping with you.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Anyone else need anything before I go?
Howard: I'll give you a dollar if you make fun of Raj.
Stuart: That's mean.
Howard: Five.
Stuart: You look like Tigger if Tigger looked like a jackass.
Howard: Uh, if you ever need a reference or anything, just let me know.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: You really want me to pick up your mother all by myself?
Leonard: Hmm, I just feel like it would be a good chance for you to bond.
Penny: Or a way for you to avoid her?
Leonard: I don't know what he's putting on those cards, but you are smarter than ever.

Quote from Sheldon

Raj: Did you guys see there's an Avengers screening? Joss Whedon's gonna show some deleted scenes and do a question and answer session.
Sheldon: Oh, well, I have a few questions for him about the last Avengers movie, and a whole lot of answers.

Quote from Stuart

Howard: If you really care that much, there are apps now that'll let you hire people to do stuff like errands and wait in lines.
Stuart: People are actually waiting in lines as a job? Boy, makes me feel better about my life.
Howard: Some of these guys make over $20 an hour.
Stuart: And now I feel worse again.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Hey, listen, what if we have a little mother-in-law, daughter-in-law dinner tonight?
Beverly: So just the two of us?
Penny: Or I invite a few girlfriends, 'cause hearing you say the two of us just sent a chill right down my spine.

Quote from Stuart

Amy: Hold on. He paid you to get out of spending time with me?
Stuart: No, it's not like that. There's a long line he'd rather stand in. So what are we doing? Old Navy, Build-A-Bear? I get paid either way.
Amy: We're not going shopping together.
Stuart: You sure? I'm happy to hold your bag. And Sheldon gave me money for a hotdog on a stick.
Amy: Can you understand why I might be annoyed right now?
Stuart: Look, lady, I just work here.

Quote from Stuart

Sheldon: Stuart, what are you doing here?
Stuart: Sheldon, you are the most inconsiderate person I have ever met in my entire life. Where do you get off sending me to shop with your girlfriend?
Sheldon: I don't understand. You were happy to do this when I hired you. Why are you upset with me now?
Stuart: Oh, I'm not upset with you. But Amy's pretty bent out of shape, so she hired me to let you have it.
Sheldon: Well, I suppose turnabout is fair play.
Stuart: You're darn right it's fair play, you selfish jerk.

Quote from Bernadette

Penny: You know, she's my mother-in-law. Why can't I bond with her like that?
Bernadette: Amy's with Sheldon, who she loves like a son. You're with her son, who she doesn't.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Boy, all this standing's making me tired. Good thing I brought my collapsible stick chair.
Howard: Not the stick chair. You look like an idiot on that thing.
Raj: Sticks and stones may break my bones, but chairs on sticks are comfy.

Quote from Leonard

Howard: You look like you come with a kickstand.
Raj: You can't make me feel bad.
Howard: Hmm, maybe not. Leonard?
Leonard: So, when the aliens brought you back, they just left the probe in?

Quote from Leonard

Sheldon: Did you see that? He just cut the line.
Leonard: He's just joining his friends; it's fine.
Sheldon: No, it's not fine. It is a breach of line etiquette.
Howard: We're near the front of the line. We'll get in either way.
Sheldon: What if every person in front of us let someone cut?
Leonard: We'd still get in.
Sheldon: What if each of those people let someone cut?
Leonard: Still get in.
Sheldon: But then each of those people let someone cut?
Leonard: We'd still get in, but first I'd hit you over the head with his stick chair.

Quote from Leonard

Guy: Is this guy for real?
Leonard: Boy, I wish I could say no.

Quote from Howard

Sheldon: Excuse me, excuse me, can I please see a show of hands? Who here takes issue with this person cutting the line?
Guy: Told you.
Sheldon: Well, what a sad state of affairs. That you've all been so ground down by life, you don't even notice when someone disrespects you.
Howard: I can't believe we're gonna get beat up, and it's not because of your chair.

Quote from Leonard

Penny: Fine, if you really want me to, I will pick your mom up.
Leonard: Seriously?
Penny: Yeah, you know what, she is my mother-in-law and I'd like for us to have a good relationship.
Leonard: That is very mature of you. So I'm gonna go ahead and say, suckah.

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: All right, back to learning.
Penny: Okay.
Sheldon: Oh, easy. Bill Nye the Science Guy.
Penny: Or as I know him?
Sheldon: Creepy old dude from Dancing with the Stars.
Penny: Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Now, let's follow in that brave woman's footsteps, and stand up for ourselves. And, and I realize that she stood up by remaining seated, but now is not the time to enjoy the irony of that. Now, I ask you again. Who here takes issue with this person?
Woman: Why should we listen to you? You cut the line yourself.
Sheldon: I most certainly did not.
Woman: I saw you.
Guy: If you're feeling dizzy, it's because the tables have turned.
Sheldon: Excuse me, I paid someone to wait in line for me, and then when I arrived, he left, so what you saw, my good woman, was swapsies, not cutsies.


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