TV Quotes

Raj: Are you saying that you don't believe two people fall in love?
Ruchi: Of course they do. It's just that what people call "love" is actually a series of biochemical reactions in the brain that fade over time.
Raj: Yes. Like the old song, "When a man has a biochemical reaction for a woman."

Sheldon: They're very different. Physics answers the question: what is the nature of the universe? Geology answers the question: you know, what'd I just trip over?

Leonard: Hey, how's Bernadette handling bed rest?
Howard: She lies around all day eating Mallomars and hollering at me, so her transformation from my wife to my mother is complete.
Sheldon: Congratulations. I know that's what you were hoping for.

Penny: All right, just give her some space, all right? Don't call, don't text, don't e-mail.
Raj: That's crazy. What if I see a sunset that reminds me of her?

Sheldon: Penny, this is serious. My reputation is on the line. What are people gonna think when they see us collaborating?
Penny: I don't know. Poor Bert?

Howard: Are you guys working together on that meteorite project?
Sheldon: (sighs) Yes, fine, you found me out. I'm doing geology. Just, please, don't tell anyone.
Bert: Are you embarrassed of me?
Sheldon: Oh, no, no, no, not you. No, just the work that you've devoted your entire life to.

Amy: What's going on?
Sheldon: What if there was something I wanted to do, but I was worried other people would think less of me?
Amy: Is that other person me, and does it happen in the bedroom, in which case I think I'm cool with it?
Sheldon: No. It's about working with Bert on - You know what? I'm not even gonna say it. I am just gonna say the letter it starts with and -"ology". G-- Oh, no, that's not gonna work.

Bert: Hey, Sheldon.
Sheldon: I've been thinking about it, and I suppose I could help you with your research.
Bert: What changed your mind?
Sheldon: Bert, I'm a gift horse. Don't look me in the mouth.

Penny: Okay, this is about science. Why'd you come to me?
Sheldon: Well, because it's also about my reputation. And somehow you manage to hold your head high despite your checkered past.
Penny: Checkered past?
Sheldon: It's a figure of speech referring to how sexually promiscuous you were.
Penny: Really? Well, I've got a figure of speech about how sexually promiscuous you can go be with yourself.

Raj: So Ruchi and I decided to keep things casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: What? What? I can handle casual.
Penny: (scoffs)
Raj: Oh, why do you keep doing that with your face?
Penny: Because you keep saying stupid things with yours.

Howard: I don't get how you can enjoy cricket. It makes no sense.
Raj: Did you just come here to complain?
Howard: Yeah. That's the sport of my people.

Sheldon: I'm working with Bert, but I don't want anyone to find out.
Penny: Well, you just told me, so strong start.

Sheldon: I am a respected theoretical physicist. I aspire to win a Nobel Prize someday. But nobody's gonna take me seriously if they find out I've been dabbling in geology.
Penny: Well, why not? They're both sciences. And I know because they're classes my high school counselor said "weren't for me."

Howard: Look, while Bernadette's on bed rest, we're gonna have to divide and conquer. I've got one monitor for her, one for the baby. Which do you want?
Stuart: I'll take the baby. She's less emasculating.

Penny: All right, when do you see her next?
Raj: Uh, we're having dinner tonight.
Penny: Okay, put a rubber band around your wrist, and any time you start planning your wedding or naming your children, I want you to stab yourself in the hand with a fork.
Raj: What's the rubber band for?
Penny: To slow the bleeding.

Bert: Sheldon, you left your jacket in my office last night.
Sheldon: Uh, oh. No-no, I didn't. That's-that's not my jacket.
Leonard: Then why does it say, "Property of S. Cooper. Stop touching it."?
Sheldon: It sounds like someone named Scooper doesn't want you touching his jacket.

Amy: Sheldon, you've never cared what people thought, even when you really, really should. That dinner with my parents comes to mind.
Sheldon: If I'm not gonna use "your momma" jokes when I meet your mother, why'd I bother to learn them?

Amy: I'm just saying, if you think the work is interesting, nothing else should matter.
Sheldon: You're right, Amy. That is sage advice. Which is surprising, considering your momma is so dumb, she-
Amy: (Gets up and leaves) Nope.
Sheldon: (After Amy's gone) She studied for a urine test. (chuckles)

Bert: What do you want, Sheldon?
Sheldon: I would like us to work together again. I promise to keep my geology comments to myself, because while some of them are funny, all of them are mean.

Leonard: Look, Sheldon, you were a jerk to Bert, and he walked away from you. So I feel like there's a lot he could teach me.

Howard: So how was your night with Ruchi?
Raj: Oh, great. We ordered in some food, we had sex, I left. I didn't even ask if she enjoyed it.
Howard: (chuckles) I can field that one for her.
Raj: I mean, I did get a little misty when we said good-bye, but I played it off as allergies. I don't know if she bought it.
Howard: Again, I know.