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19Quotes from ‘The Conjugal Conjecture’

The Big Bang Theory: The Conjugal Conjecture

1001. The Conjugal Conjecture

Aired September 19, 2016

On the day of Leonard and Penny's second wedding ceremony, there's an awkward morning after for Sheldon and Leonard as they fret about how Mary and Alfred returned to their hotel together. Meanwhile, Penny's family comes to town for the wedding, but it's a stressful time for Penny's mother, Susan, who is worried about how her family will be perceived because of her son Randall's criminal history.

Quote from Leonard

Leonard: Penny, as a scientist, my job is to figure out why things happen. But I don't think I'll ever understand how someone like me could get to be with someone like you. You know maybe I don't need to understand it, I just need to be grateful. I love you, Penny.

Quote from Penny

Penny: Okay, I understand everyone's a little tense today, so I am just gonna get to the important stuff. Leonard, standing here with you in front of our family and friends is bringing up a lot of feelings. Like what a good idea it was to elope the first time. But also how incredibly happy you make me. Thank you for marrying me. Hopefully for the last time.

Quote from Sheldon

Beverly Hofstadter: I don't see why I should have to watch your father parade around with some Bible-thumping bumpkin.
Sheldon: Oh. Excuse me, that is my mother you're talking about, however accurately.

Quote from Howard

Raj: Can we take a moment to discuss that I just lied to the government for you?
Howard: Yeah, I would not have done that for you.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Love is patient, but it's not gonna put up with all the side chatter, so let's knock it off!
Howard: At least she's yelling at someone else for a change.
Bernadette: Howard!

Quote from Penny

Sheldon: Do you think your father's doing unspeakable things to my mother?
Leonard: No.
Sheldon: Are you saying that because the things are unspeakable?
Penny: Your parents are old. Anything unspeakable was finished by 9:30.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: I now pronounce you husband and wife. And weird other husband who came with the apartment.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Did that conversation include the phrase "your genitals are a joy to behold"?
Alfred Hofstadter: Look, I promise you, neither I, nor anyone, has ever said that.
Leonard: You don't know his girlfriend very well.
Sheldon: Or what a joy it is to behold my genitals.

Quote from Howard

Raj: It is funny when you think about it.
Howard: Maybe to you. You didn't get a $500 traffic ticket.
Bernadette: Because you were driving like a lunatic.
Howard: Hey, if thinking secret government agents are chasing you makes you a lunatic, then yeah, okay.

Quote from Raj

Raj: What's the worst that could come of this meeting?
Howard: I don't know. They take the invention away, and I get nothing?
Raj: Okay, that's not so bad. You know what happened to the scientists that worked on the Manhattan Project? The government forced them to move to the desert. They had to live in secret, and when Oppenheimer objected to what they made him do, they destroyed his reputation.
Howard: What's the point of that story?
Raj: I just read a book about Oppenheimer, seemed like a chance to show off.

Quote from Stuart

Stuart: Nice to see you again, Dr. Hofstadter. I'm, uh, Leonard's friend, Stuart.
Beverly Hofstadter: Nice to see you, too.
Stuart: Hi, I'm Stuart.
Alfred Hofstadter: Ooh, I'm Alfred, Leonard's father.
Stuart: Oh! Oh, hi. Uh, I'm sorry, did you two want to sit together?
Beverly Hofstadter: No!
Alfred Hofstadter: No!
Stuart: I was wondering why the front row was available.

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Anybody have anything snarky to say about that? Didn't think so.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: So, did you defile my mother or not?

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: Leonard? Leonard?
Leonard: What?
Sheldon: You realize you and I could become brothers.
Leonard: We're not gonna be brothers. We're not gonna be step brothers. Go to sleep.
Sheldon: I hope you're right. 'Cause a grown man living with his brother and his brother's wife is weird.

Quote from Sheldon

Sheldon: You know, also, if they did have coitus, we'll all be needing a skilled psychiatrist.

Quote from Raj

Raj: Hey, make sure you tell him that you weren't home when he came by and that your Indian friend gave you the message the moment you stepped through the door.

Quote from Raj

Howard: Okay, sure, I can meet with you on Thursday. Caltech is fine. Yeah, and may I ask what this is about? (laughs) I may not?
Raj: (To Bernadette) That's what he said to me!

Quote from Sheldon

Alfred Hofstadter: You're a patient young lady.
Sheldon: Hey, hey! She's mine! Take a cold shower, grandpa!

Quote from Bernadette

Bernadette: Not just Leonard and Penny's love, but the love we have for them, as well as each other.
Sheldon: Speaking of love, STDs among the elderly are skyrocketing.


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